


Possession

by ErinHoltzmann



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Erin might be in love with Holtzmann but she doesn't realise it, F/F, Holtzmann might be in love with Erin but she doesn't want to admit it, Holtzmann's past is also important, everyone is in danger (but especially Holtzmann), malevolent ghosts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-07 16:31:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7721851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErinHoltzmann/pseuds/ErinHoltzmann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holtzmann has a crush on Erin, which she mostly tries to ignore. But then she is visited by her mentor, Dr Rebecca Gorin, and things from her past are stirred up. Still, Dr Gorin proves to be a valuable asset when the Ghostbusters are called to deal with a particularily malevolent ghost. After the encounter, Erin seems changed and Holtzmann has good reason to be happy about this change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Guest

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a longer fanfic, the Rebecca Gorin/Jillian Holtzmann part refers to flashback chapters about Holtzmann's past. Also, I put the rating at Mature for now because most of the story will be SFW (however, there will be some Explicit parts once Holtzmann and Erin have worked out that they both love each other).

Abby had told her terrible things about this Erin Gilbert. Holtzmann had soon regretted having asked Abby who the woman on the back of the cover next to her was when Abby had given her the book to read. Years of resentment had come crushing out of Abby and onto Holtzmann, who had just wanted to read the book in peace. Erin Gilbert was a horrible traitor, Abby had told her, a heartless woman who did not even have the decency to face Abby after abandoning years of research. Holtzmann had sometimes glanced at the photo of Erin Gilbert, wondering how this woman could have caused Abby so much pain.

Then, one day, she stood right in front of Holtzmann. Her hair looked much better now, but her clothes definitely left some room for improvement. She did not look mean; yes, she attacked Abby the moment she came in through the door, but only because Abby behaved unreasonably. Holtzmann could tell immediately Erin Gilbert felt hurt and scared and was afraid of losing her job. Holtzmann, who knew that feeling all too well, did not hesitate to introduce herself to Erin.

Erin was a fun person to be around. Not in the conventional sense of _fun_ , but fun as in easily teased and easily flirted with. Holtzmann, who had always been drawn to strict-looking professors a couple of years her senior, did her best to flirt with Erin.

It did not take long for Abby to realise something was up. On the same day they hired Kevin, Abby took her aside to talk to her about Erin.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” she told Holtzmann. “I don’t want this group to fall apart just because Erin feels distracted in your company.”

Holtzmann raised an eyebrow, acting innocently. “Why would she be distracted by me?”

Abby rolled her eyes. “I think you know why.”

Holtzmann leaned on the table she was sitting at, pretending to be interested, and whispered, “Why? Did she say something to you?”

“She doesn’t have to,” Abby sighed. “I think even Kevin notices you’re flirting with her.”

“And my flirting is distracting her?” Holtzmann wanted to clarify.

“Yes, obviously.”

A grin spread across Holtzmann’s face. “Excellent.”

“No, not excellent. I can’t have either of you be distracted, okay. So cut it out.”

For a few days, Holtzmann did as she was told and kept a low profile, only occasionally glancing at Erin. And Abby could not blame her for that, since Erin was very nice to look at, especially after their trip to the subway. Initially, Holtzmann had been drawn to her because of her strict attire, but as soon as she lay eyes on Erin in her MIT sweater, jeans, and white trainers, Holtzmann knew that she was in deeper than she had expected.

And then there was Kevin. Holtzmann knew he was not serious competition for Erin’s affection – even if Erin should go on a date with him, she would soon grow tired of his good looks and yearn for someone with whom she could have a conversation. Still, sometimes when Erin was swooning over Kevin or jumping around him like a lovesick puppy, Holtzmann felt a pang of jealousy, something which she had not often felt before.

She could not (and did not) want to talk to Abby about it. Holtzmann was the last person to confide in someone where her feelings were concerned. But Patty noticed something was up. Patty had an amazing gift for reading people and she must have seen Holtzmann stare longingly at Erin one too many times.

“I’m telling you, she probably likes you back,” Patty told her one day when they were out getting lunch. “Just talk to her.”

Holtzmann tried to play dumb and pretended not to know who Patty was talking about, but then had to listen to a long list of things which had given her infatuation with Erin away.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” she said. “I don’t really care either way.”

“This is not the behaviour of someone who doesn’t care,” Patty pointed out. “You do care a great deal.”

“Nah,” Holtzmann made. “She’s cute and all but I don’t care if she likes me back or not.”

It was the truth. Holtzmann thought Erin was cute and brave and intelligent, but they already had a great relationship as it was and she did not feel like changing it. It would require effort and the outcome was unpredictable. Holtzmann loved playing with fire, but not so much that she would risk 4th-degree burns.

After they saved New York, there were a couple of instances where Holtzmann thought Erin was on the brink of saying something to her, either about how Holtzmann made her feel uncomfortable or about how Holtzmann made her feel something else entirely. But Holtzmann brushed those moments aside, filed them under wishful thinking, and moved on.

*

One rainy day in mid-November, Holtzmann was visited by one of her professors from college, Dr Gorin. Holtzmann usually was the first one to arrive at the lab because she often had ideas for new inventions over night and could not wait to try them out. When the others arrived, Holtzmann was already busy with welding one piece of metal to another or with taking notes on her progress in one of her many notebooks.

But today, her plan to build a proton gun for their new car would have to wait. In front of the firehouse stood a tall woman with brown hair which was piled artfully on top of her head, making her appear even taller. She looked impatiently at Holtzmann over the rim of her black glasses.

“Jillian, I’ve been waiting for you for more than half an hour,” Dr Gorin told her.

“I’m sorry,” Holtzmann apologised immediately. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Now that you’re here …,” Dr Gorin pointed at the door.

“Yes, of course.”

Holtzmann quickly unlocked the door and let them both inside. With interested eyes, Dr Gorin regarded the laboratory they had built over the last few weeks. Holtzmann opened her mouth to explain to her former teacher what she was looking at, but Dr Gorin took off her coat and handed it to Holtzmann.

“I’ve missed you, Jillian,” she said while turning her back to Holtzmann to walk further into the big room. “It has been too long.”

Holtzmann, who was not one for expressing her feelings openly, only nodded in reply.

“So what have you been up to in here?” Dr Gorin asked, while looking at the large map of New York which was pinned to a noticeboard next to Kevin’s desk.

Holtzmann jumped into a long explanation about what had happened with Rowan and the gadgets she had built to make their work easier. Dr Gorin, who had studied the paranormal as one of her many hobbies back when Holtzmann had known her in college, listened attentively, only interrupting Holtzmann once or twice with a request for more detail. When Holtzmann was done, Dr Gorin demanded to see a few of the inventions and Holtzmann gave her a demonstration.

“I’m very impressed by you,” Dr Gorin told her when Holtzmann showed her the gun she had built for Erin. “You’re doing great work here.”

Holtzmann smiled at her, feeling flattered. So far, only Erin had expressed this much enthusiasm for her work.

“Thank you.” Carefully, she put the weapon back into the box she had designed specifically to keep it safe. “Do you want to see what I’m working on at the moment?”

Holtzmann pulled out a rolled-up blueprint which she had stashed under her worktable. Unrolling it, she revealed the design for a proton gun on top of the ECTO-1.

“It’s still a very early design,” she admitted. “I actually had some ideas last night how to improve it. For example, I don’t think the best place for the trigger is next to the turn signal.”

“Yes, that sounds reckless to me,” Dr Gorin agreed, “but it’s a very good design, Jillian. I would maybe make the gun a bit smaller and move it more toward the back of the roof to avoid an unnecessary strong kickback. You don’t want to flip your car over in the middle of the road.”

Holtzmann took notes of what Dr Gorin had told her.

“Do you have a kitchen in this lab?” Dr Gorin asked. “I would like a cup of coffee, please.”

Holtzmann led her to the second floor where she prepared a coffee for Dr Gorin in the newly refurbished kitchen.

“You’re probably asking yourself why I’m here,” Dr Gorin said suddenly. “It’s not to correct the work you’ve been doing.”

Holtzmann nodded. She had indeed asked herself why Dr Gorin was visiting her now, after five years of silence between them. But the joy of seeing her again had pushed questions like this one to the back of Holtzmann’s mind.

Dr Gorin cleared her throat. “I heard about the work you’re doing here on the news,” she continued. “I wanted to see it for myself. Never trust what they’re telling you on TV.”

“And what do you think?” Holtzmann asked while handing Dr Gorin her coffee.

“As I’ve said, I’m very impressed,” Dr Gorin repeated, “but there’s still many things which need to be improved. If you agree, I’d like to stay here with you for a couple of weeks and help you with your work. Not that you need any help,” she added quickly, “but I would like to offer my services nevertheless”.

At the prospect of working with Dr Gorin again, Holtzmann broke into a smile. “Yes, of course,” she agreed. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

“And your colleagues won’t mind?” Dr Gorin pointed out.

Holtzmann shook her head violently. “They’ll be delighted to meet you, I’m sure.”


	2. A Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patty and Abby welcome Dr Gorin with open arms, only Erin is on the fence about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the second chapter (as promised, on a Monday); it's harder than I had expected to write this from Holtzmann's point of view, but I already know where I want the story to go and what's going to happen next.

The others arrived later than usual. One by one, they came into the lab, mumbling something about the rain getting worse by the minute. Holtzmann, who was busy with re-calculating the kickback of her newest weapon, barely acknowledged them.

Their days usually consisted of working quietly until one of them declared they were hungry and they order lunch or dinner (depending on the time). But today, Erin and Abby had been invited to give a talk on their book which had been picked up by a publishing house, and Patty came with them for moral support, so Holtzmann had the lab to herself again around midday. Abby had asked her if she wanted to join them but Holtzmann was so absorbed in her work that she only shook her head before turning back to her calculations.

It was because of this talk that introducing Dr Gorin was delayed by several hours. It was only when the others got back that they noticed the strange woman who was working with Holtzmann on the containment chamber.

"This is my mentor, Rebecca Gorin," she said, noticing the light of recognition in Abby's eyes. Abby, of course, had heard the name before and knew who she was since Holtzmann had mentioned her once or twice. "She asked me if she could work with us, so I said yes."

"Work with us?" Erin repeated slowly.

"You will find my credentials to be impeccable," Dr Gorin answered instead of Holtzmann.

"Yes, I don't doubt that," Erin nodded. "I'm sorry, I wasn't implying that you're not qualified enough. I was just -"

"I think what my colleague," Holtzmann glanced at Erin because she knew Erin hated it when she referred to her as her _colleague_ and she only did it to annoy her, "is trying to say is we didn't expect anyone to come and work with us because we're not the most popular science group around."

"I don't mean to be rude," Erin went on, glaring at Holtzmann. Holtzmann smirked at her. "But may I ask how you two know each other? Our work here is dangerous and classified; you see, we can't just let anyone join who knocks at our door."

"No, of course not," Dr Gorin nodded, and Abby and Erin turned their attention to her. "I was one of Holtzmann's teachers at college and we worked on several research projects together. She has known me for many years and will be able to vouch for my professionalism."

"You're a teacher at MIT?" Erin asked.

Dr Gorin was taken aback by how rude the question sounded. Holtzmann quickly put an arm around Erin's shoulder and pulled her close.

"Erin used to be a teacher at Columbia University," she explained quickly. "You wouldn't be able to tell if you looked at her now."

"Thanks, Holtz," Erin snapped and tried to push her away, but Holtzmann's grip was firm.

"We would be happy to welcome you as a scientific advisor to our team," Abby ended the discussion. "It might not be a bad idea to have Holtzmann's work be supervised by someone."

"Why?" Erin asked, struggling to turn to Abby. "I think she's doing very well, her work is excellent –“

Holtzmann put a hand over her mouth to stop her from talking, but blushed because Erin had so much trust in her.

"We can always need help, especially now we're slightly famous,” Abby pointed out with pride in her voice. "I know it's been quiet recently but closing the portal probably wasn't the end of spectral activity. There's no harm in being prepared."

Erin tried to bite Holtzmann's hand so she could say something but was unsure how to do it so it was easy for Holtzmann to hold the upper hand.

"Welcome on board," Abby concluded, shaking Dr Gorin's hand.

Holtzmann let go of Erin. "Shall we get back to work then?" She rubbed her hands together.

"Fine," Erin sighed. "What are you working on? Do you need my help with anything?"

"Nope, I think we've got it." Holtzmann shook her head.

"I'm sure the two of them have lots of catching up to do," Abby said, petting Erin's shoulder. "Let's give them some privacy."

Erin followed Abby to the front of the lab, but kept glancing back at Holtzmann and Dr Gorin. Holtzmann waved at her.

"I don't think Erin likes me," Dr Gorin said with a stoic face.

Holtzmann laughed. "I know she can come across as mean but she's really sweet. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

Dr Gorin did not look convinced.

"She didn't like me either in the beginning," Holtzmann went on, "and even though she had been friends with Abby in high school it took them quite some time to make amends. Oh, and she didn't want to let Patty join either. Come to think of it, she even wanted to send Kevin away despite her huge crush on him."

Acknowledging Erin's crush on Kevin like this made Holtzmann's chest tighten. Didn't saying something out loud make it true? Why was she so bothered by Erin's crush on Kevin? What did she care? It was not as if her crush on Erin was serious. No, she could just ignore it since she was not planning on doing anything about it anyway. If Erin were to reciprocate her feelings however ... but that was highly unlikely.

"Jillian?" Dr Gorin asked softly.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something," Holtzmann said quickly. "Now, about the hair loss ..."

Later, Patty organised a table for the five of them in her favourite restaurant to give Dr Gorin a proper welcome. Patty immediately took a liking to Dr Gorin. They had much in common since Dr Gorin also had a passion for history and was eager to learn about New York from someone who knew what she was talking about. Holtzmann basked in listening to them exchange fun facts and work anecdotes. Meanwhile, on her other side, Erin was listening to Abby who told her everything she knew about Holtzmann’s mentor in a low voice. Of course, Holtzmann had not told Abby everything about Dr Gorin and their shared history, so Abby’s knowledge of the subject was in need of an update.

“All I know is Dr Gorin was her teacher in college,” Abby said, sounding slightly annoyed with Erin who would not stop asking her questions. “Why is that so important to you?”

Erin threw a glance at Holtzmann, Patty, and Dr Gorin to make sure they were not listening. Holtzmann quickly turned her head so it looked as if she was engaging with the discussion on her other side when in fact she was eagerly waiting for Abby and Erin to continue their conversation. On the inside, she was grinning. Erin’s interest in Dr Gorin was something she could use to tease her.

“Haven’t you noticed that they both wear the same piece of jewellery?” Erin nodded toward Dr Gorin.

Abby glanced at her and then at Holtzmann. Then she shook her head. “Erin, what is going on with you?”

Holtzmann turned to them. “If I may interrupt,” she said.

Erin’s face was frozen. She looked ready to defend herself, as if she was waiting for Holtzmann to confront her.

“Can I get anyone any more drinks?”

Erin breathed out. “Yes, I’ll have another glass of wine, please.”

Patty and Abby both wanted more beer and Dr Gorin also asked for wine, so Holtzmann had the opportunity to ask Erin to accompany her to the bar.

“Are you having fun?” They were waiting for their drinks, Holtzmann casually leaning against the bar, Erin standing in front of her with her arms crossed.

“Yes,” Erin answered quickly. “Why? Does it look like I’m not?”

“You seem a bit,” Holtzmann raised her eyebrows, “agitated.”

“Do I?” Erin looked at her hands as if she expected them to be shaking.

“Listen, you don’t need to worry about Dr Gorin.” Holtzmann surprised herself with this sudden reassurance. “I know you have trouble with trusting people, I know you haven’t always had it easy, especially back at Columbia. But she isn’t like your old colleagues. She’s like us; she knows ghosts are real. She’s not here to make fun of us.”

“Oh,” Erin made. She did not look as relieved as Holtzmann had hoped. “Okay.”

“Things are going to change, Erin,” Holtzmann promised. “People know what we’re doing and they know we’re not liars. Who cares that the government pretends we’re making this up? The ones who need our help know where to find us and those are the ones we’re doing this for, right?”

Erin nodded, but before she could say anything, the bartender handed them their drinks. Holtzmann hoped Erin was convinced now that Dr Gorin was there to help them and not to discredit their work. For the rest of the evening, Erin sat quietly between Abby and Holtzmann. Once, she even asked Dr Gorin a question and Dr Gorin smiled at her before she answered. Holtzmann felt a little bit proud for having managed to convince Erin everything was fine.

Dr Gorin had been there for Holtzmann when no one else had. She had supported her in her academic endeavours and had defended her every time she had damaged the college’s equipment. But, more importantly, Dr Gorin had been Holtzmann’s first friend. And now that she had a family, she wanted them all to get along. So nothing made her happier than seeing Erin, Abby, and Patty welcome Dr Gorin.

At the end of the evening, Patty could not stop taking about how great Dr Gorin was and Abby had been held spellbound by her for a whole half hour during which Dr Gorin had told her everything about her research in the field of the paranormal. Erin was the only one who was still on the fence about her, but Holtzmann was certain she would warm up to her eventually.

Erin offered to take them all home in the ECTO-1, but Holtzmann declined because she wanted to get some more work done. Dr Gorin offered to stay with Holtzmann at the lab, but Abby and Patty were glad to be going home to sleep.

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Erin asked Holtzmann for the fifth time, glancing at her watch. “I know you don’t sleep as much as everyone else, but you’ve been here longer than we all and you’re operating dangerous equipment.”

“Don’t worry,” Holtzmann laughed. “I just want to get some calculations done, nothing serious. And I won’t set the lab on fire, like last time.”

 “Good, because I don’t want to get up in the middle of the night again because the fire department won’t stop calling me.”

“Erin, are we going or what?” Abby shouted from the car, causing a few lights in the apartment building next to them to go on.

Holtzmann pulled Erin into a hug. “Good night, Erin, see you tomorrow.”

Erin hugged her back. “Don’t stay up _too_ late, okay?”

“I’ll make sure she won’t,” Dr Gorin promised.

Erin smiled at her, but her smile looked forced.


	3. High School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A background chapter about Holtzmann's life in high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to write several background chapters about Holtzmann's time in high school and in college which I'm going to post every couple of chapters.

Holtzmann grew up in New York. She and her parents lived in a small apartment which was mouldy and had rats living in the walls but that was all they could afford on her father’s salary. Her mother only worked part-time and her boss often refused to pay her, so she did not really have a salary to speak of.

Still, Holtzmann's childhood was not always full of struggles and hardship. She received a scholarship to one of New York’s most prestigious schools due to her impressive engineering skills. Her parents were immensely proud of her, assuring themselves over and over again that their daughter would once have a better life than they had had.

Despite doing her best because she did not want to disappoint her parents, Holtzmann struggled at school. Her classes were easy enough and she passed every test with ease, but she did not fit in. It started during her first week. Her school required its pupils to wear school uniforms. Holtzmann, who already back then had an individual style when it came to clothing, did not always see it necessary to dress accordingly to the rules. It started with light infringements, like “forgetting” her tie at home, and ended with her ignoring the rules completely by wearing tight black trousers instead of the navy-blue skirt which was required of the girls.

Often, Holtzmann was called to the headmaster and told she would lose her scholarship if she did not make an effort to fit in. The first time this happened, Holtzmann did not dare to go home because she knew her parents had been informed of her behaviour and she was scared they would be angry with her. They were a bit disappointed and told her to not forget her tie again. It was not long however, until Holtzmann discovered her behaviour did not have any real consequences, no matter how often authority figures told her to make an improvement. Her school had never expelled anyone for taking liberties with the school uniform and she would not be the first one to face real consequences. In the end, her teachers and the headmaster gave up and let her dress how she wanted, especially after she invented a computer which was so cheap to produce every pupil could receive one of their own. Holtzmann won a prize for this and the school was suddenly very quick to be proud of her and refer to her as their best student.

At least academically, Holtzmann was as successful as her parents had hoped she would be. That she did not have any friends did not seem to bother them. One had to make sacrifices to be successful. Holtzmann, however, often wished she had people her age in her life who did not think she was odd or _trying too hard_. Most of her classmates had rich parents and had grown up with butlers and nannies and cooks at their disposal. This world was so foreign to Holtzmann she did not even attempt to fit in. She was aware her classmates talked about her behind her back and she was not bothered by it, but she wished at least one of them would try to make friends with her. She had tried in her first year to find someone she could share her time at school with, but her classmates did not want to have anything to do with her.

Often, Holtzmann thought it was her fault. Her parents were not rich and she did not belong in their world of expensive dresses and holidays in Europe. She knew she was different from them, different from most people, and she knew she would not want anything to do with herself if she was one of them. Her classmates never bullied her; they did not laugh when she burned off her eyebrows in an experiment or when she made mistakes in class, like not knowing what state she lived in. There were times when Holtzmann wished they would bully her. This would give her an excuse to engage with them. Instead, they ignored her, did not even acknowledge her existence by a nod of their head when they met outside of school, and it was this behaviour which hurt Holtzmann and she made her withdraw more and more from the people around her.

During senior year, Holtzmann often travelled to different states because some colleges like Harvard and Yale had contacted her and had asked her to consider them. None of her classmates had been invited to an Ivy League college for a private tour and this was the moment when they began to hate her. She had grown from a nuisance into a rival for an excellent education and the gaining of a status symbol. Holtzmann was sometimes pushed when she walked down the corridor or insulted behind her back but in such volume she could hear the remarks. Since there were only a couple of weeks left until graduation, she did not do anything to defend herself. She was busy organising everything for her move to Cambridge, Massachusetts, where she, come autumn, would attend MIT.

However, there was a new girl, Madeleine, in her class; she had lived in Europe for most of her life, but her family had moved to New York. Although Holtzmann had never spoken with her, Madeleine was the only one who smiled at her from time to time.

Since Holtzmann was 12, she had known she was not interested in boys. Around this time, most of the girls in her class had started to talk about male celebrities they found attractive and about cute boys in higher grades. At first, Holtzmann had thought she was just too busy with school and later with gaining and keeping her scholarship, but when she was 16 she realised there was a different reason for her utter lack of interest in boys. She began to notice how pretty the women around her were, especially her young physics teacher who had only just finished her training. From one day to the next, Holtzmann blushed whenever her teacher entered the room and she could not help staring at her arms when she explained something to them. Every time she smiled encouragingly at Holtzmann, Holtzmann’s heart began to race and she could only stammer an answer to an easy question. Back home in the privacy of her own room, she had time to analyse what was happening to her and it did not take her long to realise she was falling for her teacher. To her, this was not something to be ashamed of; rather, it was a simple realisation of, “Hm, I like women. Okay then.”

Among her classmates, there was not a single person Holtzmann wanted as a girlfriend. That was until Madeleine came along and suddenly there was one person who was sometimes nice to her. She was far away from being Holtzmann’s girlfriend, of course – they were not even friends – but Holtzmann sometimes thought of Madeleine and had a warm feeling in her stomach.

Her parents did not know anything about their daughter’s preference and Holtzmann was sure they would not approve. Even though they were progressive in some aspects of their daughter’s life, Holtzmann knew how they felt about anyone who was not in a relationship which consisted of a man and a woman. There was no need for them to know Holtzmann sometimes pictured herself holding hands with Madeleine in Central Park or how she hoped she would one day share an apartment with her wife. Soon, she would move to Massachusetts and whom she dated there was none of her parents’ business.

The subject of boyfriends only came up when her parents asked her if she had a date from prom. Holtzmann had not even considered going because she knew none of the others wanted her there and she did not want to sit alone in an uncomfortable dress all evening while everyone laughed at her. But her parents insisted and Holtzmann agreed if they promised they would not keep bothering her with finding a date.

A week before prom, Holtzmann was one of the last ones to pack up her things at the end of the day. She thought she was alone in the classroom, so she was startled when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

It was Madeleine.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she said in a slight French accent, which Holtzmann loved.

“I thought I was alone,” Holtzmann told her. “I didn’t know you were still here.”

“Yes.” Madeleine cleared her throat. “I wanted to ask you something.”

Holtzmann stopped shoving books into her back and turned to Madeleine.

“I saw you buying a ticket for prom today,” Madeleine said slowly. “I was just wondering, do you have a date yet?”

“No,” Holtzmann answered. “And please don’t try to set me up with one of your cousins, because my parents keep trying to do that.”

Madeleine shook her head. “I don’t have an extended family, don’t worry.”

“Do you have a date then?” Holtzmann asked, not sure what Madeleine was trying to say.

“Not yet.” Her opposite took a deep breath. “I was hoping you would go with me.”

“Oh,” Holtzmann made. Then again, “Oh.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Madeleine added quickly. “I know it’s not _conventional_ ,” she rolled her eyes, “for two girls to go together, but I don’t really know anyone here and I would prefer going with someone who I know is nice. And also, I like you.”

“Yes,” Holtzmann blurted out. “Yes, I’d love to go with you.”

“You would?” Madeleine was taken aback, as if she had not thought she would ever get this far. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Holtzmann added for emphasis. She could not help but beam at Madeleine. “I would have asked you, but I thought you weren’t … you know.”

“I don’t want to label myself,” Madeleine shrugged. “I like you and I want to spend some time with you and that’s enough for me.”

“Yes,” Holtzmann said again.

“Shall we meet at prom then?” Madeleine asked. “I think it would be easiest to do it that way.”

“Sure,” Holtzmann agreed. Secretly, she was glad Madeleine did not want to pick her up because she was sure her parents would change their minds about her going to prom if they knew she was going with a girl.

As promised, her parents did not bother her again about a date and Holtzmann did not have to lie to them. The only thing left to discuss between them was the dress Holtzmann would wear. She did not want to wear a dress at all, but her parents insisted on one. It went so far that Holtzmann bought the second-hand suit she had had her eyes on for weeks behind their back and planned to take it with her to school so she could change there, making her parents believe she had given in and would be wearing a dress. Then her mother found the suit in Holtzmann’s hockey bag and threw it away, which led to Holtzmann not talking to her until the day of the prom.

As they had agreed upon, Madeleine was waiting for Holtzmann at the entrance to the school. She was wearing a long, sky-blue dress and had her hair in a chignon. She beamed at Holtzmann as she climbed the stairs to join her.

“You look beautiful,” Madeleine told her, taking her hand.

Holtzmann felt silly in her tight, black dress and the high heels her mother had made her wear, so she opened her mouth to tell Madeleine she had not want to come in this attire.

Madeleine stroked Holtzmann’s hair, which she wore open. “How did you get your hair to curl like this?”

No one had ever complimented her hair because she usually wore it up in a bun. “It always wavy like this,” she answered. “I just wash it and then it looks like this.”

“I’m jealous,” Madeleine said with a smirk.

“I don’t like to wear it open, it just constantly gets in the way when I’m working,” Holtzmann shrugged.

“Well, you’re not working tonight,” Madeleine pointed out. “Shall we go?”

Prom took place in the school’s own banqueting hall which had been exuberantly decorated for this occasion. The school had hired a band and they were actually quite good, as Holtzmann noticed when they joined the festivities.

Madeleine was still holding her hand. “Do you want to dance?” she asked shyly.

“Yes,” Holtzmann replied eagerly. She loved nothing more than dancing.

Madeleine had evidently taken classes in ballroom dancing, so Holtzmann let her lead. Soon, they both grew tired of making the same steps over and over again, and began to dance freely, which gave Holtzmann the opportunity to show off some of her moves. Dancing was harder than usual because of the tight dress and the uncomfortable shoes, but Holtzmann did her best to impress Madeleine.

Later, Madeleine wanted to get something to drink and they sat down in one of the schoo’ls inner courtyards to catch their breaths. Madeleine put her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder and Holtzmann rested her hand on Madeleine’s thigh.

“This might be the best night of my life,” Holtzmann admitted in a timid tone of voice.

“I know,” Madeleine agreed.

“It’s almost midnight,” Holtzmann noticed. “Do you want to go and look at the fireworks?”

“I’d love to stay here with you, actually,” Madeleine admitted. “I think we might be able to see them from here.”

Holtzmann did not care much for the fireworks but she would have gone if Madeleine had wanted to see them. They remained seated in their spot.

Then the fireworks started. Holtzmann could hear the bangs and sometimes a colourful shower of sparks peaked over the roof and illuminated the courtyard for a brief moment. Madeleine lifted her head from Holtzmann’s shoulder to watch the spectacle.

“Thank you for going to prom with me, Jillian,” she said quietly.

“You’re welcome.” Holtzmann turned to her. “I’m glad you asked me.”

Without a warning, Madeleine leaned forward and pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s. It was just a short kiss and Madeleine drew back immediately and pretended nothing had happened. Holtzmann’s lips were tingling and she broke into a grin.

The next morning, the grin was wiped from her face. Her parents woke her up by bursting into her room and shouting at her. Apparently, Madeleine’s parents had called them to thank them that Holtzmann had brought their daughter home safely (they had shared a cab) and in the course of the conversation, it had been revealed Holtzmann had been Madeleine’s date. Madeleine’s parents did not have a problem with it and they had assumed Holtzmann’s parents had also known.

At first, they tried to get Holtzmann to admit there had not been enough boys, and she and Madeleine had decided to go to prom as friends in lack of a suitable date. Desperately, they waited for some reassurance from Holtzmann, but Holtzmann refused to lie to them. Then they went on to accuse her of being dishonest and rude and told her they hoped this had been a joke because she could not seriously be thinking taking a girl to prom was the proper way to behave. In the end, they told her she should keep away from Madeleine or there would be serious consequences (they remained vague about this but to Holtzmann it sounded as if they would try to keep her away from MIT), to which Holtzmann only replied with a shrug before telling them quietly to leave her room and locking the door behind her parents.

In her years at high school, Holtzmann had not cried once because the others had ignored her. She had not cried when they had bumped into her or talked about her behind her back because she had always told herself she was doing this to make her parents proud because her parents wanted a better life for her than they had been able to give her for the first 18 years of her life. But this time, Holtzmann was not able to hold back the tears. She cried all day and only paused to eavesdrop on her parents calmly but firmly telling Madeleine on the phone to stop calling them.

Finally, Holtzmann and her parents agreed she would live with them until the day after graduation and then she would move out if she did not come to see how unhealthy this _lifestyle_ of hers was. Holtzmann knew she would not be able to change, no matter how much her parents wanted her to, so she moved to Massachusetts the day after her graduation ceremony. When she refused to kiss her mother goodbye, her mother broke down in tears and her father told her he hoped she would come to her senses. Finally, he gave her the business card of a therapist in Cambridge who would help her find a way to cure this desire she had and made her promise to contact him as soon as she arrived there. While waiting for a cab which would take her to the train station, Holtzmann burned the card with a small lighter she always carried around with her.

As she watched the trees and fields glide past the train window, Holtzmann felt incredibly relieved. The initial sadness and hurt she had felt after her parents had treated her like a sick person was replaced by a thrill of anticipation and a feeling of freedom. In Cambridge, her parents could not reach her and she could do whatever she wanted.

The only regret she had was that she had not been able to set things right with Madeleine. Holtzmann had no idea what her parents had said to her the day after prom, but Madeleine refused to speak with her and made up an excuse every time Holtzmann approached her. But where she was going, she would meet new people and her parents would not be able to ruin this for her.


	4. A Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ghostbusters are called to help an old man who has a book-eating ghost in his house. Holtzmann makes a mistake while trying to save Erin and they get into more trouble than they had thought they would when dealing with a simple haunting.

Holtzmann did not go to bed that night, as Erin had demanded. Instead, she stayed up until the early light of day was shining onto the dozens of sheets of paper covered in calculations. Finally, Dr Gorin told her to lay down on the sofa on the second floor – where she herself had spent most of the night – so Holtzmann would catch at least a couple of hours of sleep before the others arrived.

Holtzmann did as she was told while Dr Gorin went to work in the kitchen, washing dirty dishes from yesterday and making herself a cup of coffee. Inevitably, Holtzmann was reminded of the time they had spent together in college. It had not been much different; Dr Gorin had told her to go to sleep (at first, on the sofa in her living room, later in her bed), while she had gotten ready for the day ahead. The memories made Holtzmann fall asleep quickly and she only woke up around midday when Abby was shouting at someone downstairs.

“It’s Kevin,” Erin told Holtzmann when she came downstairs. “We got a call from someone about a haunting and he didn’t take down any of their details. Abby is furious with him.”

“Didn’t she teach him how to take notes last month?” Patty asked. She had also been called to the scene by Abby’s loud voice.

“May I suggest something?” Dr Gorin, her hair looking impeccable as ever, joined their little group. “Fire him and hire someone more competent.”

“No, absolutely not.” Erin shook her head violently. “Kevin is part of the family. He’s been with us since the very beginning. You wouldn’t just give your son away and hire a new one just because he makes one tiny mistake, would you?”

“Also, you still have a crush on him,” Patty added. “You can’t see his obvious flaws.”

“And from the way Abby is shouting at him, it wasn’t a tiny mistake,” Holtzmann shrugged.

“Holtzmann, you’re finally up.”

Abby had noticed her and turned around. A few strands of hair were coming loose from her ponytail where she had torn at it while shouting at Kevin. Holtzmann took a few steps back. 

“We have new case and I want you to go and load up the car,” Abby ordered.

“There might be a tiny problem with the car.” Holtzmann took a deep breath. “I might sort of have taken the roof apart, I’m really sorry.”

“You did what?” Abby shouted.

“I was trying to fit the gun on there,” Holtzmann apologised. “I mean, the car is technically functional, it just doesn’t have a roof.”

“It’s mid-November,” Abby gasped. She was trying to catch her breath. “Do you expect us to drive around in a car with no roof?”

“I didn’t think we would need it so soon,” Holtzmann explained herself.

“The rain has stopped, so we could just use it anyway,” Erin proposed.

“Where are we going anyway?” Patty wanted to know. “Because if it’s not far, I wouldn’t mind pretending we’re in a convertible for once.”

“I’ve been trying to find out where we’re going for the last ten minutes.” Abby turned back to Kevin. “But _someone_ can’t even take down a simple address.”

“What did they say to you, Kevin?” Erin tried to diffuse the situation.

“I don’t know.” Kevin appeared to be helpless. “I can’t remember. Abby keeps shouting at me.”

Erin walked over to him and put a hand on his arm. “Don’t worry about it, Kevin, take your time.”

Abby sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Do you still want me to go and load up the car?” Holtzmann asked her. She did not really want to watch Erin comforting Kevin.

“Yes, please.” Abby was now massaging her temple. “Let’s just hope we don’t have to go far.”

Holtzmann vanished into the garage, followed by Dr Gorin who offered her help. Together, they heaved the proton packs into the trunk, which Holtzmann had not disassembled (yet), and checked if everything was in working order.

“Would you mind if I came with you?” Dr Gorin asked Holtzmann.

“We don’t have a proton pack for you,” Holtzmann apologised. “I’ve only built four so far.”

“Oh, I don’t need one,” Dr Gorin said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’m a bit too old for that kind of stuff.” She smirked. “But I would love to see you and the others at work.”

“Sure,” Holtzmann shrugged. “There’s a spare seat in the car.”

Even though she did not tell Dr Gorin so, she was excited for her to come along. This way, she would be able to show off her inventions and make Dr Gorin proud of her.

Once they were done loading up the car, Erin had succeeded at finding out where they needed to go. They had been called to a brownstone in Brooklyn. An old man had bought a book at a flea market which had been possessed by an evil spirit. It had been released because the old man had read aloud to himself. Now he was hiding in the cellar of his house while the ghost was apparently destroying his very valuable book collection upstairs.

“We need to hurry,” Erin implored Holtzmann and Dr Gorin. “Kevin made it sound as if the man could soon die of a heart attack. He’s really attached to those books of his.”

Holtzmann was glad for every excuse to drive fast and so she ushered them all into the car and told Abby to enter the address into their GPS. A very cold car ride later, they arrived at the house and were greeted by a man in his mid-seventies who was climbing up the stairs from the cellar.

“I’m so glad you here,” he said in a shaky voice. “It’s still inside. Can you hear it?”

They all listened. Holtzmann could hear the cars from a busy street nearby and the cries of a baby from an open window, but nothing out of the ordinary. Then there was a loud bang followed by the sound of paper tearing.

“There, it’s doing it again,” the old man cried out. “It’s eating my books. By priceless books.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll deal with it.” Abby patted him on the shoulder. “Come on.” She approached the front door determinately.

“What does the ghost look like?” Erin asked the man calmly.

“It’s tall with long limbs and a top hat.” He shivered. “And big, big teeth, as if he had been given teeth by someone with a vague notion of what human teeth look like.”

“Does he seem dangerous apart from destroying your books?” was Erin’s next question. “Has he attacked you in any way?”

The man shook his head. “No, but I don’t know if he would have if he had gotten the chance. As soon as I saw him, I ran away and he seemed to be more interested in the books, but who knows.”

“Excuse me, sir,” Abby shouted from the top of the stairs. “Could you give me the keys for the door, please?”

“I can’t, they’re inside.” He looked at her helplessly. “You have to go in through the cellar.”

So they climbed down a rotting staircase to a damp cellar which was stuffed full of things which the man had accumulated over the years. Holtzmann looked around with big eyes, knowing that if someone gave her time, she could find all sorts of treasures down here. Then she bumped into Erin in front of her who had stopped to listen for something.

“I think it has calmed down,” she whispered. “Can you hear it?”

Holtzmann listened intently. “No,” she whispered back.

Patty, who had taken up the lead because she was scared of something attacking her from behind, called for them. “Take a look at this.”

The stairs which lead up to the living area were flooded with an eerie, green smoke which moved downwards in little waves, collecting around their ankles.

“This can’t be good, right?” Patty asked.

“No, it seems as if there’s an unusually strong spirit up there,” Abby confirmed.

 Then ghosts of book pages came floating down to them on top of the green mist. Dr Gorin pushed her way to the front.

“Don’t touch the pages,” she told them. “I think that’s what it wants.”

“Do you know what’s happening here?” Holtzmann asked.

“I’m not sure.” Dr Gorin pushed her glasses higher up on her nose. “I read about something like this once, but I didn’t think I would see it for myself one day.”

“How can we get up the stairs if we can’t touch the pages?” Erin asked while performing a little dance to avoid the ghost paper.

“If I’m not mistaken, this is only temporary,” Dr Gorin answered. “It should be over in a couple of minutes.”

Patty climbed up on an old chair which stood in one corner of the cellar. “Well, I’m going to stay here until this is over, you call me when that apparition is gone.”

Abby, meanwhile, leaned down to have a closer look at what they were dealing with. Erin had to hold her by the collar of her coverall so she would not get to close.

“This is amazing,” Abby mumbled.

Holtzmann, who was not too worried by the ghost pages, pretended she wanted to give Abby a shove.

“Holtz!” Erin shouted.

“Just joking.” Holtzmann raised both her hands.

However, Erin’s shout had alerted the spirit upstairs to their presence. There was a strange choking sound and then nothing.

“Well done, Erin,” Abby sighed, “now it knows we’re here.”

With the falling silent of the ghostly sounds, the pages had also vanished.

“Shall we?” Holtzmann said with a little bow, pointing at the stairs.

Patty took the lead again, clasping the wand of her proton pack firmly with both hands. Holtzmann followed her eagerly. She could not wait to meet another ghost – it had been too quiet after they had closed the portal.

The stairwell ended in a kitchen. Everything was quiet, undisturbed, not broken. At least the ghost was not angry at kitchen appliances. Through the doorway, however, they had a good view of the library, which lay in ruins.

Patty shook her head. “He’s not going to like that.”

Loose pages covered the ground, one bookshelf had been toppled over, and most of the books had been torn from the shelves which were still standing.

“This ghost must really hate books,” Erin whispered.

“From what that man told us, it sounds as if it was trapped in a book for quite some time,” Holtzmann added. “I think you would hate books too if you had been trapped in one.”

They walked slowly into the library; everyone had followed Patty’s example and they were fully armed, ready for the ghost should it choose to attack them. Only Dr Gorin seemed relaxed. She was holding a small notebook in one hand and a pen in the other and observed them closely. That a rogue ghost was on the loose did not seem to worry her much.

As soon as they had all walked into the library, the door behind them flew shut and Holtzmann heard it lock.

“Oh, great,” Abby sighed.

Next to her, Erin scanned the ceiling nervously while Patty was glaring at the door as if it had murdered her first-born.

The first to spot the ghost was Dr Gorin. She cleared her throat and pointed her pen at the opposite end of the room, which was dominated by a large leather sofa in front of a fireplace. Smoke was coming out of the in a way which was definitely against the laws of physics.

“We’re not alone,” Dr Gorin whispered.

Holtzmann gripped her wand harder. What she had seen so far made it apparent she should not take this ghost lightly. When it appeared, it did not come shooting out of the chimney as they all had expected. Instead, it floated down from the ceiling above the fireplace.

 _Floating down_ was perhaps the wrong phrase to describe the ghost’s movements. It materialised in one corner of the room and grew steadily taller until it reached from the ceiling to the floor. The man had not exaggerated in his description. Its limbs were much too long and it was wearing a huge top hat which bumped against the ceiling as it was floating there. The teeth made Holtzmann look anywhere but its face. There were still snippets of pages stuck to them which made them appear even bigger and more menacing.

“Oh, boy,” Abby hissed through gritted teeth. “This can’t be good.”

Next to Holtzmann, Patty shuffled around uncomfortably. “Do you want us to –?” she asked no one in particular.

“Let’s do this,” Erin ordered determinately.

Holtzmann had missed this part of her. Erin was usually quiet and did not like to take action when they were working in the lab, but as soon as they met a ghost, Erin was the one to tell them what to do. Holtzmann had noticed this behaviour when she had first met Erin and Erin had not hesitated to go and talk to the ghost of the creepy woman from the basement.

Erin was the first one to light up her proton wand and aim it at the ghost. Since it was so tall, there was no chance she could miss it, and soon enough, the stream curled itself around one of its arms. The ghost made a menacing hissing sound and gripped the stream with its free hand, began to tear at it. Erin was swept off her feet and slammed into the ground.

“Erin!” Patty shouted, and Abby rushed to her side. “Are you okay?”

Erin picked herself up. “We need to do it at the same time, we need to aim -”

But the ghost was faster than she could give them orders. It reached out one big hand, about three quarters the size of Erin and tried to grab her. Holtzmann, who saw the hand coming, jumped between Erin and the ghost and was picked up instead.

“Holtz!” Erin screamed as if to warn her but it was too late.

Holtzmann had had nicer experiences than being picked up by a ghost. It felt cold and even though Holtzmann could see the hands clasping her, she did not feel any solid restrictions around herself except for coldness. This was an experience she certainly did not want to repeat.

The ghost raised her high up into the air until she was right in front of its face and the ugly teeth. She had not considered that the ghost might be harmful to humans as well, if it could tear books apart and topple over entire shelves. And sure enough, it began to move its jaw in a menacing way which could only mean she was the next course on the menu.

“Get it, get it!” Holtzmann heard Erin’s voice shout from below.

“We can’t hit her,” Abby pointed out.

“Then don’t,” Erin shot back.

Then the ghost was hit by a proton beam, this time on the arm which was not holding Holtzmann. For a few short seconds, the ghost swayed until it found its footing again and began to furiously wave Holtzmann around.

When two more proton beams anchored his feet, it began to sway dangerously and Holtzmann braced herself to hit the ground. But the ghost remained standing and it was now more furious than ever. Holtzmann struggled against its grip in an attempt to reach one of the grenades she was wearing in a belt across her chest, but the ghost was too strong.

“It’s too strong,” Erin pointed out from several feet below Holtzmann, “and Holtzmann has the trap.”

“You can make it fall over,” Holtzmann shouted down. “Just give the wands a tug and it might lose its ground.”

“No, that would make you fall as well,” Erin objected.

Holtzmann glanced up at the giant teeth. “If I had to choose between being chewed to death by this ghost or bruise my arm because I fell a couple of feet, I would choose the latter.”

“Are you sure about this?” Patty asked her.

Holtzmann took a closer look at the teeth which were steadily coming nearer. “Pretty sure, yes,” she shouted. “Just do it.”

Erin counted down and then they all tugged at their wands, but the three of them were not strong enough. The ghost grinned broadly and opened his mouth.

“Do it again,” Holtzmann demanded. “Don’t hold back because of me.”

They did it again and this time the ghost stumbled. It was not enough to bring it down but it was certainly a start. At least it was getting angrier, which showed Holtzmann they were on the right path.

“Again,” she shouted.

This time, Erin, Abby, and Patty moved back, dragging the ghost with them. It was so surprised by their sudden strength that it lost its footing and toppled. Because it was not easy for it to navigate in this cramped room, it started to fall forward.

“Yes!” Holtzmann triumphed.

When the ghost and Holtzmann hit the ground, it only strengthened its grip and this feeling together with the impact made Holtzmann gasp for breath.

“Let her go,” Erin demanded, furiously tugging at the stream which was holding one of its arms.

The ghost grinned maliciously and squeezed Holtzmann even more so she could not get air into her lungs.

With her free hand, Erin pulled out the gun Holtzmann had made for her.

“I said, let her go,” she repeated, her voice a low growl.

“No, Erin, don’t,” Holtzmann implored her. “Don’t use it indoors and at such a close range.”

The ghost began to laugh loudly. It was a strange laugh; it had a quiet, high-pitched voice and the laugh was hoarse.

“I’m going to count to three,” Erin drowned it out.

“Erin, stop,” Abby ordered.

Holtzmann began to struggle against the ghost’s grip, but even though the ghost was lying on the floor, it was still as strong as ever.

 _I should have brought the proton sword_ , Holtzmann thought in regret. _We could really use it now_.

Together, Abby and Holtzmann had made Erin see reason and she lowered the gun.

“Okay.” Her voice was determined.

She turned off her proton stream and set the ghost’s other hand free. It smiled triumphantly and began to use it to push itself back up. But Erin aimed the wand at its face and fired.

Holtzmann closed her eyes against the sudden flash of the proton stream, but could feel the ghost’s grip loosen as it wailed. After a few more kicks and pushes, she had freed herself and was quickly pushing herself up from the paper-covered floor. Erin, who saw out of the corner of her eye that Holtzmann was free, nodded at Holtzmann but kept the stream on the ghost’s face.

“Open the trap,” she ordered Holtzmann.

Holtzmann did as she was told and then fired up her own wand so the stream wrapped itself around the ghost’s middle and pulled it steadily toward the open trap. It put up a fight, clawing at the walls and shelves around it, but eventually they managed to trap it securely.

Erin shouted, “We did it!” and threw her hands in the air.

“That was one mean spirit,” Patty sighed. “Holtzy, are you okay?”

Holtzmann nodded. “I was worried for a minute Erin would use that gun,” she admitted.

Erin stopped celebrating. “Sorry about that. I just wanted to help.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Holtzmann told her. She linked arms with Patty. “Let’s get this,” she tapped her foot against the ghost trap, “back to the lab. I can’t wait to have a closer look at it.”


	5. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Holtzmann risking her own safety (and the safety of the group) so willingly to save Erin, Dr Gorin begins to suspect that Holtzmann might have feelings for Erin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who is reading this and sending me nice messages about it, I appreciate it very much <3

“So what did you think?” Holtzmann asked Dr Gorin once the ghost was securely stowed away.

Dr Gorin had watched them from a corner of the library, well out of the ghost’s reach. Whenever Holtzmann had fixated her attention on her, she had been taking notes.

“I’m very impressed by your inventions.” Dr Gorin nodded at the ghost trap. “You actually built something which can contain an entity to which nothing is a solid barrier.”

“It wasn’t easy.” Holtzmann gave the trap a mock-glare. “It uses up a lot of energy.”

“Also the proton packs seem to function adequately,” Dr Gorin went on. “You could improve their power, of course – they were struggling quite a bit against that ghost – but other than that they’re a good example of your impressive skills.”

“Thank you.” Holtzmann did not know what else to say to Dr Gorin praising her like this.

“I just have one question,” Dr Gorin went on.

“Sure,” Holtzmann nodded.

“Why did you get in the way of the ghost grabbing Erin?”

Holtzmann had thought it would be a question about the proton packs or the ghost trap, something about how she had come up with them or build them, so she was caught off guard. “What?” she blurted.

“You should have let the ghost grab her,” Dr Gorin explained. “You were carrying the trap, your contribution was more valuable in that moment. And yet you let yourself be picked up – the ghost could have seriously damaged the equipment.”

Usually, Holtzmann had no problem voicing her opinion or justifying her action (especially because a shrug of her shoulders was often enough in this regard). Even back at college, Dr Gorin had always demanded long explanations from Holtzmann because she had hoped Holtzmann would become a teacher like she and being good at explaining was one of the main skills colleges were looking for in a teacher.

Holtzmann knew a simple shrug of her shoulders and a vague, “Because I felt like it,” would not be enough in this situation.

“I was trying to protect her,” she answered honestly. “I wasn’t thinking about the ghost trap; I saw the hand coming and jumped between them.”

“But earlier you had no problem pretending to push Abby down to the ground so she would touch the pages,” Dr Gorin went on. “I know you were not really thinking about doing it, but this situation was just as dangerous and yet you were joking around.”

“I was trying to lighten the mood,” Holtzmann justified her actions. “After you said the pages could harm us, everyone was so serious.” She still tried to brush it off with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Jillian.”

Holtzmann shivered. Dr Gorin was using the same tone of voice she had used when she had held Holtzmann in her arms and brushed her fingers through her hair.

“Is Erin your girlfriend?”

Holtzmann snorted with laughter to hide how much the question had gotten to her.

“You can tell me,” Dr Gorin pressed. “I won’t tell the others if it’s a secret.”

“It’s not a secret,” Holtzmann answered and Dr Gorin tensed, “because we’re not together.”

Dr Gorin’s shoulders sagged and she relaxed. “I thought you were because you jumped between her and the ghost so willingly.”

Holtzmann shook her head. “No, we’re not together,” she repeated for emphasis.

“But you have feelings for her,” Dr Gorin added.

Again, Holtzmann was caught off guard. “Yes,” she answered honestly, “yes, I have a small crush on her. It’s nothing big, and I know she doesn’t reciprocate. I’m sure it won’t take me long to get over her.”

Dr Gorin wrinkled her nose. “It’s not that small,” she pointed out. “You jeopardised a bust because you didn’t want her to come to any harm.”

“You sound like Abby,” Holtzmann sighed. “I have it under control, okay?”

“Well, I hope so, because your friends rely on you.”

Holtzmann glanced over to where Erin and Patty were cleaning the proton packs. Patty was telling Erin a story and Erin laughed at every second sentence.

“You should get her out of your head,” Dr Gorin added, “especially if she doesn’t have feelings for you. It only overcomplicates things.”

“I know, I know.” Holtzmann was getting impatient. She turned her back to Dr Gorin, which Dr Gorin hated, to put the ghost trap away. “She is in love with Kevin anyway, I know that. It’s just … she’s intelligent and cute and she has so much confidence now. You should have seen her when we started out. But now she knows exactly what she’s doing and it doesn’t make it easier for me to ignore her. I mean, did you see her earlier?”

Dr Gorin sighed. “Believe me, Jillian, we’ve all been there.”

Holtzmann blushed. She had not meant to reveal so much about her feelings for Erin.

“I just like flirting with her,” she backtracked. “She always blushes and doesn’t know where to look.”

“Yes, I remember,” Dr Gorin nodded. “You also loved to flirt with me, didn’t you?”

Holtzmann blushed even more, but this time it was out of shame.

Dr Gorin looked over to Erin and Patty. “Yes, I know what you see in her.”

Holtzmann wanted to tell Dr Gorin that Erin was not like her, that Erin would never break up with her because of a slight disagreement. Then again, she tried never to be cruel to anyone and she could not bring herself to hurt Dr Gorin any more than she already had.

Holtzmann decided to change the subject quickly. “Was this your first encounter with a ghost?” she asked, moving the conversation back to Dr Gorin’s research.

Dr Gorin had always been interested in the paranormal, but as far as Holtzmann knew, she had never actually seen a ghost, at least not when she had known Dr Gorin at college.

Dr Gorin gladly jumped at this opportunity for a different discussion. “Yes, I have,” she answered. “Shortly after you had graduated, I was invited to spend a night in a haunted house in Delaware. I thought it was all a joke, you know, get together a couple of believers and try to scare them, but it was real.”

“What did you see?” Holtzmann sat down on the chair next to her workstation and leaned on the table, her chin resting in one of her hands, eager for Dr Gorin to continue.

“It was the ghost of the old woman who had lived there,” Dr Gorin recounted. “She wasn’t malevolent, at least not as malevolent as the ghost we saw today. I think she just wanted to be left alone and not be pestered by a couple of scientists trying to prove ghosts were real.”

“What did she do?” Holtzmann urged Dr Gorin to go on.

“Nothing much,” Dr Gorin shrugged. “She made a broom levitate – I think she meant for it to hit us and chase us out of the house – but she wasn’t strong enough and the broom kept falling to the floor. I felt a bit sorry for her.”

“And what did you to with her?”

“Nothing, we just spent the night on the floor in the living room. She gave up trying to haunt us eventually and we could sleep for a couple of hours.”

“And this was the only ghost you met apart from the one today?”

“Yes.”

Holtzmann nodded. “It’s impressive you were so calm then, especially since the ghost was pretty scary.”

“You were there,” Dr Gorin shrugged. “I felt safe enough.”

Abby, who had been talking on the phone to the old man, put the receiver down with a heavy sigh, interrupting everyone’s conversations. “Not only did he not want to pay us,” she announced, “he also expected us to pay for the damage the ghost did to his books.”

“What?” Erin jumped up. “What did you tell him?”

“I told him we would release the ghost back into his house and that convinced him to see reason. Still, he refuses to pay the full fee. I guess we’ll just have to take what we can get.”

“And that’s the reality of being a Ghostbuster,” Holtzmann told Dr Gorin. “Even when you get rid of the menace for them, they still try to blame you for the mess.”

*

Christmas was drawing closer steadily and New York changed. Most of its inhabitants seemed to have forgotten about ghosts and portals and they did not often receive calls. When they did, the problem was solved fast. Holtzmann sometimes felt bored with her job. She had thought she would get to catch more ghosts, but instead she spent her days tinkering with the proton packs and improving her other inventions.

Holtzmann loved nothing more than inventing things. When she had worked with Abby at the Kenneth P. Higgins Institute, she had never felt bored. She and Abby had had a purpose – they had tried to prove ghosts were real and this had taken up most of their time. But now they had succeeded in this early endeavour and reached their goal. Of course, there was still enough to do. Since every ghost they had encountered so far had been malevolent, they needed to prepare themselves to catch them and get rid of them. However, there were only so many machines you could build and so many improvements you could make. Since Holtzmann never had any trouble coming up and developing new inventions, a few vague instructions from Abby’s side did not keep her busy for long.

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, they did not have much to do, which lead to Erin and Holtzmann spending most of their time together. Erin had expressed interest in Holtzmann’s work and Holtzmann often involved her in her work process, so they sat together at Holtzmann’s desk, trying to come up with ways to make the proton packs lighter or the wands more precise.

This was the part Holtzmann enjoyed about not having to do much. She could spend a lot of time with Erin and joke around with her. Erin had come to accept Dr Gorin’s presence in their lives and even though they were not the best of friends, Erin had stopped questioning every little thing Dr Gorin did. Since not many ghosts seemed to be coming back to their world at the moment, Dr Gorin spent less and less time in the lab and was instead exploring New York, often with Patty as her guide, to learn what she could about the city.

Christmas came and went. They spent the holidays together in the lab. The official reason was that there might be people out there who would need their help – they took Charles Dickens’ _A Christmas Carol_ as a cautionary tale – but the truth was that they all either had no family to go home to or did not want to see them. Only Dr Gorin went home to Massachusetts, leaving the four Ghostbusters to celebrate Christmas on their own.

It was the best Christmas of Holtzmann’s life. They exchanged presents and ate cookies all day. Holtzmann got to see Erin blush when she unwrapped the bracelet she had made for her and then Erin hugged her for two whole minutes. Abby made them all dinner and Patty told them ghost stories about New York’s most haunted buildings. The day ended in a sleepover at the lab. Erin put her sleeping bag down next to Holtzmann’s and Holtzmann fell asleep, listening to Erin’s regular breathing next to her.

 _If this is how it’s going to be_ , she thought to herself before falling asleep, _then I’ll be fine._


	6. College, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann is in her first year at college and meets Dr Gorin during an internship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating the fanfic a bit earlier than usual because I have a lot of things to do tomorrow and I might forget.

College was everything Holtzmann had hoped it would be, and more. The people in her classes came from all over the world and no one hated her for being good at what she did. During her first week, her parents tried to call her twice but Holtzmann did not pick up the phone and so they gave up. No one from her former class had been accepted at MIT, so Holtzmann did not have to worry about meeting anyone she knew by accident. She was finally free and ready to begin her new life.

Holtzmann spent most of her time at the lab. The work she did was challenging enough so she did not lament her lack of friends as much as she had done back at school. And people did not ignore her. Even though she was not the best at social interactions, her classmates always asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee or drinks with them and when she agreed they were happy to have her and when she was busy, they accepted this.

Not even staying at school for the holidays was a problem. Not everyone was travelling back home for Thanksgiving and a fair share remained at MIT even over Christmas. Holtzmann did not have to answer questions about why she did not want to see her family; some of the people she talked to also did not have the best relationship with their parents.

Her first year at college passed like a dream. Holtzmann learned so much and met so many interesting people that she was so busy that when she woke up one morning it was already early July and everyone was leaving campus for a few months of well-deserved relaxation.

Holtzmann had not been in contact with her parents all year and she doubted they would welcome her back with open arms, especially since she had not once called the therapist they had wanted her to see. So instead of packing her bags to head back to New York, she was getting ready for a summer internship she had secured with the engineering department. Her supervisor would be Dr Rebecca Gorin, who was a teacher at MIT. Holtzmann had heard stories about her but had never actually talked to her since she was hard to get a hold of outside of class.

Dr Gorin turned out to be the complete opposite of Holtzmann’s expectations. She had expected an older woman with grey hair, about her height but heavier, and a friendly demeanour. Instead, Dr Gorin turned out to be a tall woman, much taller than Holtzmann, who glared at her the minute she laid eyes on her.

“I will not tolerate your lax attire,” she snapped at Holtzmann who had come to work in clam diggers and a wide blouse. “This is a dangerous environment you’re working in, so dress accordingly.”

Not since her first few months in high school had her outfits been criticised by an authority figure. “Yes, ma’am,” Holtzmann nodded, not daring to start a fight on her first day.

“And where are your safety goggles?” the woman went on.

“I don’t have any.” Holtzmann shrugged helplessly. “Do I need them?”

“Do you need them?” Dr Gorin repeated. “Of course you need them unless you want iron or wood or plastic particles in your eyes.”

“I’m sorry,” Holtzmann apologised. She had never much cared for lab safety. “I can go out and buy some right now, if you want me to.”

“I might have a pair in my office, if you could come with me,” Dr Gorin interrupted her.

Holtzmann followed her to her office where Dr Gorin handed her a pair of safety goggles with yellow glasses.

“I’m sorry, these are the only ones I have,” she apologised, sounding less strict than earlier. “Shall we get to work then?”

All summer long, Holtzmann worked with Dr Gorin on a secret project for NASA. When Dr Gorin told her for the first time for whom they were working, Holtzmann was so excited she could not calm down for a whole hour and had to go and lie down in the break room.

At the end of the summer, Dr Gorin told her she would be leaving to teach at another college starting in September. Holtzmann, who had grown attached to her, did not take the news too well but had to recognise there was nothing she could do about it since it was not her decision to make. Dr Gorin took her out for drinks on her last evening in Cambridge, during which the topic of friendships and relationships came up when Dr Gorin joked about Holtzmann having to spend the evening with her instead of her friends or boyfriend.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Holtzmann told her.

“Give it a bit of time,” Dr Gorin replied.

“Hm, I don’t really want a boyfriend,” Holtzmann mumbled into her glass of beer.

She had never before talked to anyone about her sexual orientation, and she had no idea if Dr Gorin would react like her parents had or if she would accept her, but since she was leaving MIT anyway, Holtzmann saw no harm in telling her.

“If I should ever have a relationship with anyone,” she therefore continued, “it would be with a woman.”

“Oh,” Dr Gorin made, “oh, I see.”

Holtzmann thought this was the end of their conversation. Dr Gorin had not reacted as badly as her parents had, but still, it had not been ideal.

“I also don’t have a boyfriend, by the way,” Dr Gorin continued after a short pause. “For the same reason,” she added.

Now it was Holtzmann’s turn to say, “Oh.”

Then she regretted not having raised this topic earlier because she could perhaps have learned a lot from Dr Gorin over the summer.

“So you also don’t have a girlfriend?” Holtzmann asked her.

“Not at the moment, no,” Dr Gorin admitted. “I didn’t want to start a relationship with someone here because I knew I would be leaving soon.”

Holtzmann nodded. “Makes sense.”

She had to stop herself from asking if there had been anyone Dr Gorin had been interested in.

*

Her second and third years of college were even easier than her first. After her positive experience with Dr Gorin, Holtzmann had no trouble coming out to the people around her and it went well in most cases. College was a much more liberal place than her family home. Holtzmann also noticed that it got around what she had told some of her classmates and soon enough some of her female colleagues were trying to get to know her better and asking her out on dates. Holtzmann mostly declined because she was not ready yet to have a relationship with someone (and she was also a bit scared), but she enjoyed the attention.

The more time Holtzmann spent at college, the more confidence she gained. First, her abilities as an engineer stood out, even here at MIT, and then she discovered not everyone was trying to make fun of her and some people even took her seriously. Soon, she had turned from a withdrawn person who wished she would find friends into a confident woman who was good at what she did and who tried to always have a good time.

For her last year as an undergraduate, Dr Gorin returned to MIT. Holtzmann was beyond happy to see her, but it took Dr Gorin a few seconds to recognise her when Holtzmann came to visit her in her office during her first week.

“You’ve changed a lot, Jillian,” Dr Gorin told her, taking in Holtzmann’s apparition.

Holtzmann had started to wear lab coats even when she was not in the lab and always carried the pair of safety goggles Dr Gorin had given her around with her.

“No one calls me Jillian anymore,” Holtzmann told her. “It’s Holtzmann now.”

“I prefer Jillian,” Dr Gorin said with a smile.

Dr Gorin would be one of Holtzmann’s teachers during her last year and Holtzmann was more than excited for her class. She used their lessons together well and tried to show Dr Gorin how much she had learned during their two-year separation.

Over the months that followed, Holtzmann developed a crush on Dr Gorin. It was only the second time she had stronger feelings for a woman. This time, Holtzmann decided to take action and so she started visiting Dr Gorin in her office frequently and complimented her clothes or hair.

One day in spring, Holtzmann finally asked Dr Gorin if she wanted to have coffee with her.

“Like a date?” Dr Gorin asked her, and Holtzmann nodded.

Holtzmann had never been on a date and it would have been an awkward experience with anyone who was not Dr Gorin. But Dr Gorin chose the coffee shop (her favourite one in Cambridge), and picked up Holtzmann in an old car and drove her there. Holtzmann was more nervous than she had been before her prom date with Madeleine, but Dr Gorin was sympathetic when Holtzmann struggled with uttering a simple hello.

“I know you’re nervous,” she told her while opening the car door for Holtzmann. “I’m also a bit … erm … you know, I haven’t been on a date in ages.”

Holtzmann spent the car ride to the coffee shop in silence, but as soon as they arrived there and had ordered their drinks, the conversation came natural to them.

“This is not like I had expected it,” Dr Gorin admitted, “especially after you flirted so much with me.”

“I know.” Holtzmann took a sip of her black coffee. “I never thought I would actually go on a date.”

“Yes, you don’t seem the type for that,” Dr Gorin confirmed. “Then again, I’m also not the type for dates. And yet, here we are.”

Holtzmann made an attempt at small talk. “So what do you do in your spare time?”

“Please tell me you didn’t look up rules for a first date,” Dr Gorin said with a smile.

“I did, actually,” Holtzmann admitted.

“Okay then.” Dr Gorin took a deep breath. “My spare time … I like to learn about things I don’t know much about, I sort of find a new hobby every couple of months. If you want to, I can show you sometime what I’m working on now.”

Holtzmann nodded, glad she was not doing so bad that Dr Gorin did not want to see her ever again. “I’d like that.”

“I also have a cat who lives with me,” Dr Gorin went on, “and I like to take long walks.”

“I love cats,” Holtzmann blurted out.

“I’m sure he’d like to meet you someday,” Dr Gorin said with a smile. “Now tell me something about yourself.”

Before Dr Gorin had picked her up, Holtzmann had promised herself she would not talk about her parents or Madeleine because the story was not really first date material. However, Dr Gorin’s request sparked a need to tell her the whole story, starting with her crush on her physics teacher and ending with her not having talked to her parents in several years.

When she had finished, Dr Gorin stared at her with big eyes. “But that’s horrible, Jillian,” she exclaimed. “Why would they treat you like this?”

Holtzmann had never told anyone the story of how her parents had treated her, and finding someone with whom she could discuss it was a great relief. “I guess we just have different opinions,” she said, not looking directly at her opposite.

“That’s not a different opinion,” Dr Gorin snorted. “You are their _daughter_ and they have no right to treat you this way.”

“Honestly, it’s fine,” Holtzmann assured her. “It was such a long time ago, I barely think about it now.”

“And they have never tried to contact you or apologise to you?” Dr Gorin refused to drop the matter.

“Not that I’m aware of, no,” Holtzmann shrugged. “They tried to call me during my first week at college, but I didn’t pick up the phone and after that they never tried again.”

“And you don’t want to meet them now? Show them that there is nothing wrong with who you are?”

“Not really, no.”

Holtzmann had thought once or twice about driving to New York and confronting her parents, telling them how much they had hurt her with how they had treated her, but she had decided it was no use. They had cast her out once and they were likely to do it again.

“Well, they’re idiots,” Dr Gorin decided with a wave of her hand, “and they don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you in your life.”

Holtzmann blushed. “Thank you,” she stammered.

“I’ve been treated badly by some people, but my own parents,” she shook her head, “that thought is inconceivable.”

“So they were fine with you being a …?”

“You can say lesbian, Jillian,” Dr Gorin encouraged her. “Yes, they were. I mean, I don’t think they cared much as long as I became a successful scientist.”

“And have you been with many … women?” Holtzmann asked.

“Not that many,” Dr Gorin shrugged. “A few. I’m not usually the type for a long-term relationship because I travel around a lot.”

“I’ve also never had a long-term relationship,” Holtzmann told her, hoping it would make feel her better.

“But you’ve been with a woman before, right?”

Holtzmann’s palms turned sweaty. “I’ve kissed a woman before, if that’s what you mean,” she answered quietly.

“Oh.” A brief pause. “Nothing more than that?”

Holtzmann shook her head.

“Oh.”

“I know, it’s a bit weird, I’m already 22 and I’ve never …”

“No,” Dr Gorin interrupted her. “There is nothing weird about that. I was 26 when I had my first sexual encounter with a woman.”

Holtzmann felt a bit better about herself.

From then on, they exchanged stories about college and Dr Gorin’s colleagues as well as Holtzmann’s research projects. After her second cup of coffee, Dr Gorin asked Holtzmann if she wanted to come back to her place and meet her cat.

“And I don’t mean this as a euphemism for something, I genuinely want you to meet my cat,” Dr Gorin added.

Dr Gorin lived in a small cottage at the outskirts of Cambridge. Holtzmann, who had grown up in the middle of New York, had never been to a house with a garden before. Dr Gorin’s house had a small pond in the front yard with goldfish in it and a tree right next to the entrance so you had to duck your head so as not to bump into one of the low-hanging branches when entering. Holtzmann immediately was in love.

Dr Gorin’s cat was old and chubby and she meowed at them as soon as they came in through the front door, demanding to be fed. Holtzmann stroked his fur while Dr Gorin prepared dinner for him. Then she offered to cook dinner for Holtzmann as well, which she declined initially, but Dr Gorin prevailed, so Holtzmann agreed to stay.

They ate dinner on the porch at the back of the house, which overlooked a small garden with an old tree and a shed in it. Dr Gorin told her about how a storm had tried to uproot the tree once and how it was growing crookedly since then. Holtzmann, who was not used to eating outside, jumped when a bee tried to drink some of her ice tea, which made Dr Gorin laugh.

They stayed outside until the sun was setting and it was getting cold. Dr Gorin wrapped herself in a big cardigan and handed Holtzmann a soft fleece blanket so they could watch the sunset together.

Holtzmann could not take her eyes of the spectacle in front of her until Dr Gorin cleared her throat and she turned her head.

“Would you mind if I kissed you?” she asked Holtzmann.

Holtzmann shook her head, her heart racing with expectation.

Dr Gorin leaned over the small table between them and cupped Holtzmann’s cheek. Then she brushed her lips against Holtzmann’s carefully until Holtzmann took the lead, eager to be kissed.


	7. A Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr Gorin is contacted by an old colleague in New Orleans who needs help with a dangerous ghost. During their journey there, Holtzmann learns a thing or two about Erin.

In the middle of January, Dr Gorin returned from Cambridge. It was finally snowing in New York, and when she stepped in through the firehouse doors, snowflakes were resting on top of her head. When they slowly melted, her hair lost its usual stability and refused to stay piled up.

Holtzmann was excited to see her, and left her workstation as soon as she spotted Dr Gorin. “Welcome back, Rebecca,” she greeted her while hurrying over to the entrance, eager to pull Dr Gorin into a hug.

“I have some news,” Dr Gorin announced before Holtzmann had reached her.

Holtzmann stopped in the middle of the lab, disappointed she would not get to hug Dr Gorin just yet, but also excited for the news she had to tell them.

The others gathered around her, eager to learn what could not wait until Dr Gorin had taken off her coat. Only Patty greeted her with a smile and a nod of her head; Abby and Erin regarded her with seriousness.

“Someone needs our help,” Dr Gorin told them without pretence.

“Excellent.” Abby clapped her hands together. It seemed as if Holtzmann was not the only one who longed for more excitement in their lives. “Is it urgent? Where are they?”

“Hm,” Dr Gorin made, taking off her gloves. “They problem is they aren’t in New York. We would have to go to New Orleans.”

“New Orleans?” Erin blurted. “How are we going to get our equipment to New Orleans?”

“That’s what I told them as well,” Dr Gorin nodded. “I don’t think there’s an airline which would allow you to bring your proton packs, not to mention all your guns.”

“We have the car,” Holtzmann pointed out.

“It would take us a day to drive there,” Erin objected, “and that’s only if we drive constantly.”

“So?” Holtzmann asked her. “We’re five people; I’m sure I’m not the only one with a driver’s license.”

Erin was taken aback by Holzmann’s blunt statement. “Of course you’re not. I’m just saying it seems like a big effort just to catch a ghost.”

“That reminds me, I haven’t told you anything about the ghost yet,” Dr Gorin interjected. “I was contacted by one of my former colleagues who now teaches at the University of New Orleans. Her house seems to be haunted, but from what she told me I’m guessing it’s not your standard haunting. She’s scarred for her life.”

“Oh?” Abby prompted her to go on.

“This ghost seems to be a real threat to humans. She’s been attacked with knives and was chased out of her house by a chainsaw trying to cut her into little pieces. Currently, she lives in her office at the university.”

“Sounds like a usual haunting to me,” Erin shrugged. “I mean, the ghost appears to be a little angrier than the ones we usually deal with, but other than that …” She shrugged.

“The strange thing is,” Dr Gorin continued, “that the ghost is only after her. This is the first time anyone has ever reported any unusual activities. Other people have stayed in the house once she’d fled to see if the ghost would also be malevolent toward them, but it didn’t show for three nights in a row, so they gave up.”

“So there might be a chance she’s making this up?” Erin asked. “Because that seems sort of vague for us to go to New Orleans.”

“She offered to pay us 5,000 dollars just to have a look at her house,” Dr Gorin answered. She glared at Erin. This was the first time she had showed any signs of annoyance at Erin’s doubts. “That doesn’t sound made up to me.”

“5,000 dollars,” Abby mouthed in Erin’s direction. Then she said loudly, “I suggest we go. You all need to go home and pack a small bag – remember there’s not that much space in the car – and be back here in an hour.”

Erin wanted to object but Holtzmann gripped her arm. “Come on, Erin, it’ll be fun. It’ll be like a road trip.”

“And if it helps, I also have a car,” Dr Gorin offered. “It’s not big, but there’s enough room for your bags and one of you.”

“Then I’ll drive with you,” Holtzmann decided eagerly, “and Erin can drive the other car. I’m sure that’ll cheer you up, right?” She turned to Erin.

Erin nodded slowly. “Okay.”

*

An hour later, they had loaded their bags into Dr Gorin’s car and Holtzmann had prepared the equipment they needed to bring with them. Once everything was ready, she pulled Erin aside to give her some last words of advice.

“Drive carefully,” she told her in a hushed voice. “Some of the equipment is still highly unstable.”

“Shouldn’t you be the one driving the car then?” Erin pointed out. “I mean, you know what to pay attention to and –”

Holtzmann laughed. “I’m one of the most unsafe drivers I know. But you’re careful and considerate.”

“I don’t know about that,” Erin said.

Holtzmann was delighted to discover she had managed to make her blush.

“Yes, you are. And you can call me when you get tired and we’ll switch places, okay?”

Erin bit her bottom lip. “Why are you so eager to … you know, drive in Dr Gorin’s car?”

“Because she doesn’t talk much when she drives and I can preserve energy and take over from you when you’re exhausted,” Holtzmann answered.

“That’s actually reasonable,” Erin agreed.

“Yes, sometimes I can be considerate,” Holtzmann said with a smirk.

“No, that’s not how I meant it,” Erin backpedalled quickly.

“I know,” Holtzmann assured her. “Are you ready to go?”

Erin nodded.

“Good.” Holtzmann walked over to Dr Gorin’s car. “I’ll miss you,” she said with a wink before climbing into the passenger seat.

With the Ghostbusters’ car taking the lead, they made their way to the Holland Tunnel and onto Route 9 which took them out of the city. Holtzmann sat with her eyes closed and listened to the sounds of the cars around them. Dr Gorin was the calmest driver she had ever met. She never used the horn or swore at other drivers. Only sometimes, a small sigh escaped her lips and she shook her head, as if one of her students had disappointed her in class. Holtzmann was left alone with her own thoughts, which she sometimes preferred to conversation.

Holtzmann was reminded of her days in college when Dr Gorin used to take her on day trips to show her Massachusetts. Sometimes, they would drive to New York for a day and walk around the city. The first time Dr Gorin suggested they should go to there, Holtzmann did not want to because she was scared she would feel bad about herself back in the city where her parents had mistreated her. Dr Gorin did not pursue this matter further until Holtzmann asked of her own accord if they could go to New York. It turned out to be one of the best days of her life.

The drive was mostly quiet until Abby called Holtzmann’s phone when they had driven for about three hours and told her Erin needed a break. Dr Gorin still felt fine, so Holtzmann suggested she could drive instead of Erin and someone from their car could come and keep Dr Gorin company. They met up at a rest stop where they all had a cup of coffee and then Patty switched seats with Holtzmann.

“Did you have a good drive?” Holtzmann asked Erin once she had started the car and joined the traffic. “Any problems?”

“No,” was Erin’s short answer.

Next to Holtzmann, Abby snorted with laughter. “She kept shouting at anyone who didn’t use their turn signal,” she told Holtzmann.

“I was being reasonable,” Erin defended herself. “You can’t just make a sudden turning, that’s dangerous.”

Holtzmann did not say anything to that because she was not the best at road safety either, often ignoring speed limits.

“Do you think the ghost is real?” Abby asked Holtzmann all of a sudden. “We were talking about it earlier and Erin still isn’t sure.”

Holtzmann shrugged. “It’s not that important if it’s real or not,” she answered while observing Erin’s shocked face in the rear-view mirror. “I’m just very excited to finally go to New Orleans. I’ve never been.”

They drove in silence for a while after that.

“We should spend the night somewhere,” Erin suggested, looking at her phone. “I could phone ahead and make a reservation.”

Holtzmann turned in her seat to look at Erin. “We should share a room,” she suggested in a joking tone of voice, but hoped Erin would say yes.

“Holtz, watch the road!” Erin shouted as they came dangerously close to a truck in front of them.

Fifteen minutes of phone calls later, Erin had managed to secure them three rooms in a town in Virginia. They were still a long way away from there, but it had been the closest option available to them. Holtzmann was still hoping she would get to share a bed with Erin, but Erin had not given her a definitive answer yet.

After Holtzmann had changed seats with Abby and Dr Gorin had changed seats with Patty, they finally arrived at their motel. It was late in the evening and the sun had set a couple of hours ago. They were all tired from a long day of travelling and Erin, especially, was grumpy.

“So, are we still sharing a room?” Holtzmann asked her, taking both their bags from Erin.

Erin looked at her with tired eyes. “I thought you would be sharing a room with Dr Gorin,” she admitted. “That’s why I booked a single room for myself.”

Holtzmann shook her head. “You’re not sleeping on your own,” she declared. “And that’s final.”

Erin smiled at her. “I have to warn you, though – I snore.”

“And I talk in my sleep,” Holtzmann shrugged.

The motel was not big or expensive, so the rooms were a bit bleak and shabby, which Holtzmann would not have noticed, had Erin not commented on it. Their room consisted of a tiny, green-tiled bathroom with an old bathtub and a narrow room with a queen-size bed and a TV.

“It’s just for a night,” Erin mumbled, as she locked the door behind them.

“I’ve seen worse,” Holtzmann told her. “This is luxury compared to my first flat in New York.”

Holtzmann felt nervous at the prospect of sharing a bed with Erin. While Erin was in the bathroom, she carefully tried out the bed to determine how much space she would have without crowding Erin. Erin came back to find Holtzmann curled up on her side on the edge of the bed.

“You don’t have to sleep so far away from me,” she told her.

“I was just testing the bed,” Holtzmann avoided her.

Erin joined her in bed, propping up her pillow against the headboard. “Can I ask you something?” she said slowly, sitting next to Holtzmann, not looking at her directly.

Holtzmann nodded.

“You and Dr Gorin … did you use to be, I mean … at some point, were you dating?” Erin stammered, her hands fidgeting with the thin blanket.

Holtzmann was surprised it had taken Erin so long to ask this question. “Yes, we used to date when I was in college,” Holtzmann answered.

“I also dated a professor when I was in college,” Erin admitted.

Holtzmann sat up straight. She had expected more questions about her relationship with Dr Gorin, not this.

“Wow.” Holtzmann did not know what else to say.

“He was a professor of philosophy,” Erin went on. “Honestly, I don’t know what I saw in him, I probably liked him because he was older and more experienced than me, you know, the usual.” She shrugged as if she did not take herself seriously. “It didn’t end too well.”

“Was he much older than you?” Holtzmann asked.

Erin thought about it. “15 years older, maybe. Way too old for a 20 year old student.”

“Yes,” Holtzmann said slowly, not disclosing that Dr Gorin was older than that. “And why did you break up with him?”

“I didn’t break up with him, he broke up with me,” Erin answered. “One day, I went to this party and I didn’t know he had been invited as well. We didn’t talk much about our life outside of … well, you know, the bedroom. I mean, we didn’t really have the sort of relationship where you go on dates and walk hand in hand, if you know what I mean. Anyway, it actually was student party, but some of the teachers showed up as well and he was one of them. Only, he wasn’t there alone. He’d brought a date, and she wasn’t his wife –”

“He was married?” Holtzmann interrupted her.

“Yes, and I know it makes me a horrible person that I had sex with him nevertheless, Abby kept telling me so, believe me.”

“No, it doesn’t make you a horrible person,” Holtzmann contradicted her. “We all make mistakes when we’re younger.”

Holtzmann knew it was a weak excuse, but Erin smiled at her nevertheless. “The woman he was with was a freshman, she was too years younger than me.”

“Oh, that’s not good.” Holtzmann looked at her anxiously. “He sounds like a dick to me.”

Erin snorted with laughter. “Yes, he was,” she sighed, “especially when I confronted him about the woman he was with.”

“What was his excuse?”

“He didn’t really have one,” Erin shrugged. “He told me she was better in bed than me and he would be spending his time with her now.”

“What a dick,” Holtzmann repeated.

“That sort of stuck with me,” Erin admitted. “I mean, ever since then I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter if you’re good in bed as long as you’re with someone you love, but I still can’t get his words out of my head and it bothers me.”

Holtzmannn was not sure if she wanted to have this conversation with Erin, so she decided to proceed with caution. “Have other people said something similar to you?” she asked.

“Not really, no.” Erin looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I mean, I sort of always assumed it was implied when they broke up with me. No one said it directly to me, but you know.” She shrugged.

“Don’t listen to them,” Holtzmann said with a wave of her hand.

“That’s easy to say for someone like you.” Erin was looking at her directly for the first time since they had started this conversation. There was sadness in her eyes.

“Someone like me?” Holtzmann repeated.

“I’m sure you’re excellent in bed,” Erin explained. “You seem so confident.”

Holtzmann felt her face grow red. She felt honoured Erin saw her this way, but she was mistaken. Since Erin had been honest with her, she decided to be honest with Erin as well. “I actually haven’t had that much sex,” she said quickly.

“What?” Erin shouted the question so loudly that Holtzmann was sure she had woken up everyone in the adjacent rooms. “I thought … I don’t want to intrude or anything, but just a couple of weeks ago when you spent a night with Kevin, I thought …”

“I was helping him look for his dog,” Holtzmann told her, trying not to laugh. “And Kevin isn’t really my type.”

“What is your type?” Erin asked slowly.

“Well, first of all, women,” Holtzmann said, observing Erin’s face closely.

“So you’re not interested in men at all?” Erin tried to clarify.

“No.” Holtzmann shook her head. “Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet. I thought I wasn’t being subtle.”

Erin cleared her throat. “I knew you were interested in women.” She blushed when she said it. “I just assumed you also liked men. Sorry, my mistake.”

“There’s nothing you need to apologise for,” Holtzmann assured her. “Sexuality can be a difficult topic.”

Erin fell quiet for a bit. She looked pensively, as if she was about to say something but was not sure if she should and if this was the right place. Holtzmann wondered, and hoped, Erin would confess she was not straight as well, because then she would at least know if she ever stood a chance with her.

 _Don’t be stupid_ , she told herself, _she’s not into you and you know it_. _So don’t get your hopes up._

“Can I asked you another question?” Erin said finally.

“Sure,” Holtzmann nodded.

“You and Dr Gorin seem to be really good friends,” Erin began, “but you used to have a relationship, right? I mean, why did it end? I don’t want to be nosy, I was just wondering because you seem to be good friends.”

“It’s a longer story,” Holtzmann answered, “I’m not sure if we’ll have time for it tonight.” She did not feel like discussing what had happened, at least not yet. “I might tell you one day when we have more time.”

“But you’re not together anymore?”

“No, we’re not. Really,” Holtzmann added for emphasis. “We’re just friends.”

_And I wouldn’t be her girlfriend again if she asked me to, there’s someone else I would like to …_

Holtzmann did not finish that thought. And she would not say it out loud, at least not to Erin.

While Erin was drifting off to sleep next to her, Holtzmann lay there with her eyes closed, wondering if Abby, Patty, and Dr Gorin had been right. Maybe she was in too deep. Maybe her feelings for Erin were so strong she could not and should not ignore them any longer. Maybe it was better to confess them to her and have her heart broken so she could move on and not endanger any more operations.

“Erin?” she whispered.

If Erin should answer her, she would say it now, tell her she was not just flirting with her as a joke but actually had feelings for her. If Erin should not answer, she would never bring up that topic again.

Erin continued to breathe quietly, not giving any sign she had heard Holtzmann.


	8. An Assignment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ghostbusters arrive in New Orleans where they meet up with Dr Gorin's colleague to learn the specifics of the haunting they were called to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm uploading the chapter earlier than usual because I might not have time to do it tommorow.

The next morning, Holtzmann and Erin were woken up by Abby knocking at their door and telling them to get ready for breakfast. Looking at her watch, Erin shouted back that it was seven and Holtzmann added it was too early to get up.

“We have a long drive ahead of us,” Abby reminded them, “and if you’re not downstairs in 10 minutes, we’re just going to leave you here and you can take a train or whatever, I don’t care.”

Erin groaned as she stood up. “We shouldn’t have stayed up,” she mumbled.

Holtzmann did not say anything because she was too distracted by the sight of Erin in a shirt and briefs walking toward the bathroom.

“I thought a road trip would be more fun than that,” Erin continued to complain while brushing her teeth.

“I’m having fun,” Holtzmann told her while sniffing her shirt to try to determine if it did not smell too bad, so she could wear it again.

“It’s still such a long way to New Orleans,” Erin went on. “I hope we can make it today.”

“I’m sure,” Holtzmann answered her.

“And we don’t have a place to stay at in New Orleans.”

“Erin, you need to stop worrying,” Holtzmann told her. “It’ll all be fine, don’t be nervous.”

Erin was still talking about the hotels in New Orleans when they came down to breakfast. Only Abby seemed to be entirely awake; Dr Gorin raised her head briefly from her steaming mug of coffee to look at them and Patty only glared at her plate full of pancakes.

“You all look terrible,” Holtzmann greeted them.

“Your hair has seen better mornings as well,” Abby pointed out.

Holtzmann, who had not had time to style her hair as usual, had only quickly put it up in a bun. “Erin was taking forever in the bathroom,” she shrugged.

“I was not,” Erin defended herself.

“Be quiet you two and get going,” Abby ordered. “I want to get to New Orleans today.”

“Have you heard anything from your friend?” Holtzmann asked Dr Gorin once she had gotten a cup of coffee for herself.

Dr Gorin did not say anything and just shook her head.

“And did you sleep well?” Erin asked Abby at the other side of the table.

“I did but Patty did not,” Abby told her.

Patty kept staring at her pancakes.

*

Once they had arranged who would be driving with whom, Holtzmann once again settled in on the passenger seat next to Dr Gorin. Abby was driving the other car. They still had to drive more than ten hours to reach their destination.

The further south they travelled, the warmer it became. When they stopped for another cup of coffee in Tennessee, the air was still crisp, but once they reached Alabama, it was undeniable that the weather felt more and more like spring.

They arrived in New Orleans at nine in the evening. Holtzmann was once again driving the Ghostbusters’ car, which she had shortly after they had crossed over to Central Time. Now she kept making jokes about how they had travelled back in time and Patty looked ready to strangle her. They were all tired from the two days they had spent on the road.

Again, Erin had organised a place for them to stay. They had agreed they would try to get a good night’s sleep before contacting Dr Gorin’s colleague. Holtzmann could not wait to explore the city, but when she suggested to the others they should go and look for a restaurant where they could have something to eat, everyone groaned and shook their head.

Since New Orleans was more expensive than the small town in Virginia, they stayed in a cheaper motel where they all had to share a room. Holtzmann was a bit disappointed she would not get another chance at a private conversation with Erin, but at least they were staying in the same room. Abby imposed a strict lights out-rule, and there was no more talking after that. Holtzmann was still too wound up from the journey to be able to fall asleep, so she lay in her bed and listened for the sounds of the city around her.

*

The next morning, they went to visit Dr Gorin’s colleague in her office. It was obvious she spent almost all of her time there – clothes were hanging across the three chairs she had in there and an open suitcase was leaning against one of the shelves.

The woman in question, Dr Hicks, looked as good as could be expected under the circumstances. She greeted them with a smile and told them how happy she was to see them. Then she apologised she could not offer them anywhere to sit before turning to Dr Gorin.

“I’m so happy to see you,” she told her, hugging her tightly. “You won’t believe what I’ve been through.” When she stepped back, she wiped away tears from her cheek.

“Tell us everything you know,” Abby said without pretence, opening a small notebook. “Anything might help us determine what we’re dealing with.”

Dr Hicks straightened the blouse she was wearing and leaned against her table. She was much smaller than Dr Gorin, about the same height as Holtzmann, and had short blonde hair. Holtzmann had no idea how old she was since she looked bleary-eyed and a bit frightened.

“Yes,” she began. “I’m guessing Rebecca has already told you the gist, but I’m happy to provide you with the necessary details”.

Dr Gorin nodded, urging her to go on.

“It all started a couple of months after I had moved into my new home,” Dr Hicks began. “At first, the lights sometimes didn’t work, but I wasn’t surprised by that. I called an electrician and he fixed them and after that I didn’t have any problems with them. Then the water stopped working or it was impossible to turn on the cold water and sometimes the hot water didn’t work for days. Again, I called a plumber and he fixed it. By then, I was sure the ad for the house had exaggerated when it had said it was in good condition.” 

She paused. “Then the banging started. It’s a fairly old house, so I didn’t think much of it at first, you know, wood moves and all that. But soon there was no denying the knocking had no natural causes. More than once I had the feeling someone was knocking on my bedroom door when I was just drifting off to sleep. The first time it happened, I even called the police but they couldn’t find any signs of forced entrance. This was around the time those things happened in New York.” She shuddered. “We all thought the world was coming to an end. But when the knocking didn’t stop after you had closed the portal, I knew I was in danger.” She paused again.

Abby looked up from her notebook. “What happened next?” she urged Dr Hicks to go on.

Holtzmann could see Dr Hicks was struggling to tell them the next part of her story. Dr Gorin walked over to where she was standing and put an arm around her colleague’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Debra,” she said softly. “We all know you’re telling the truth.”

“I just feel silly,” Dr Hicks admitted. “You’re probably thinking I’m a coward because I’m so scared of a little bit of knocking.”

Erin shook her head empathetically. “I don’t think so.”

“We all don’t think so,” Patty added for emphasis. “We’ve seen a lot.”

Dr Hicks looked at the floor and took a deep breath. “I installed video cameras around the house because the police suggested it might be some of the teenage boys from my neighbourhood who were breaking into the house to tease me. For a week, I reviewed the tapes every morning, but couldn’t find anything. Then –” She broke off.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you need to tell us what happened; otherwise, we won’t be able to help you.” Abby was getting impatient.

“Yes, I’m sorry,” Dr Hicks apologised quickly. “Then about a week after I had installed the tapes, I spotted a woman walking through my bedroom in the early hours of the morning.”

Holtzmann leaned in closer to Dr Hicks and so did the others, listening intently. She was finally getting to the fun part.

“It was really hard to tell if what I was seeing was real. She was only there for a couple of seconds, walking across the room, and then she vanished. I couldn’t find her on any of the other cameras.”

“What did she look like?” Abby asked.

“It was hard to make out any details on the grainy footage,” Dr Hicks answered. “I could tell she had long, grey hair and was wearing an old-fashioned dress, maybe from the 1950s or earlier. But I never got a good look at her face, at least not until –”

They all held their breaths while Dr Hicks tried to collect herself.

“Until I saw her again a couple of days later,” she continued. “This time, she was standing right in front of my bedroom camera, with her face pressed against the lens. She was grinning at me and she had sharp teeth that looked like fangs and then she wrote _die_ on the lens in, I’m guessing, blood, but when I looked at the camera, there was no blood on it.”

“Oh,” Abby made in surprise. “This really sounds like a malevolent spirit.”

“What Abby is trying to say is,” Erin chimed in, “you were right in contacting us.”

“Rebecca mentioned something about you being attacked,” Patty prompted Dr Hicks to go on.

“Yes, it started on the same day. So far, nothing strange had happened during the day, only a night. But when I got home from work at 3, I was greeted by a knife flying at my head. It missed me only because I ducked down, but I immediately left again and called one of my friends who offered to stay with me in the house that night. When we got there, the knife had vanished and when I showed him the video tapes, the woman wasn’t on it.”

“So she’s a ghost who can manipulate objects and even erase recordings,” Abby mumbled to herself while taking notes.

“Unsurprisingly, nothing happened that night, no knocking sounds, no ghost appearances, nothing,” Dr Hicks continued, unfazed by Abby’s interruption. “My friend was less inclined to believe me now and told me I was working too hard. He offered to drive me to my family in Alabama and I took him up on that offer and spent Christmas there.”

“I’m guessing the ghost didn’t follow you to Alabama?” Abby inquired.

“No, she didn’t, and I was able to sleep for a change,” Dr Hicks enquired. “But when I got back, it had only gotten worse. I was greeted with the sight of my entrance hall drenched in blood and the words _I will have your head_ written on the wall, but when the police got there, everything had vanished, of course. I spent the night in the living room with all the lights on, but around midnight, the ghost turned them off and that’s when I saw her for the first time in real life. She was standing right in front of me, with her arms outstretched like a zombie and all her fingers pointing directly at me and then she sort of floated closer and I was sure I was going to die. She laid her hands around my neck and began to squeeze and she was grinning her evil grin again and I’m sure she would have managed to choke me to death hadn’t someone knocked at my front door, which scared her away. I grabbed what I could and ran left the house head over heels, ignoring my neighbour who had come to complain about something and I haven’t been back since.”

“Dr Gorin told us some of your friends tried to stay in your house but the ghost didn’t show,” Erin told Dr Hicks.

“Yes, my friend who stayed the night and two of his sons stayed a couple of nights, but nothing happened to them,” Dr Hicks confirmed. “For some reason, the ghost only means me harm.”

“To be fair, it took the ghost some time to attack you,” Abby pointed out. “How long was it exactly?”

“It took maybe three or four weeks before strange things started to happen and a good two or three months until I actually saw the ghost,” Dr Hicks thought out loud.

“So maybe the ghost takes some time before it shows itself,” Abby finished the train of thought.

“Excellent.” Holtzmann beamed at Abby. “Does that mean we’re going to stay here for months?”

“No,” Abby answered. “It means we have to come up with a way to attract the ghost.”

“Or maybe it only shows itself to women,” Dr Gorin interjected.

“Yes, maybe her husband was taken away from her by another woman,” Patty continued. “I know I would be _pissed_.”

“Or maybe,” Erin joined in the speculations, “maybe it just doesn’t like scientists.”

“Then you’re the best target we have,” Holtzmann teased her. “Let’s get you to the house and see if the ghost attacks you.”

“Not so fast,” Abby stopped Holtzmann from pulling Erin out the door. “We need to come up with a plan of action first.” She turned to Dr Hicks. “Would you be willing to let us stay at your house for a couple of nights?”

“Yes, sure,” Dr Hicks agreed. “Anything it takes to get the ghost out of there.”

“You’re the only one here who has seen the ghost,” Abby continued. “Do you believe it could be a mortal danger for us?”

“It tried to stab me with a kitchen knife, so I’d say yes,” Dr Hicks confirmed.

“Okay.” Abby took a deep breath before she turned to the others. “I can’t force any of you to come along, especially not you, Dr Gorin. This sounds like the most dangerous ghost we ever had to deal with –”

“Apart from Rowan,” Holtzmann interrupted her.

“Yes, apart from Rowan,” Abby agreed. “My point is, if any of you want to stay away from this, I can’t blame you.”

“I want to come.” Erin was the first to say something. “This is our job and we know it can be dangerous, but that’s not going to keep me away.”

“I’m going if Erin goes,” Holtzmann said with a grin.

“Patty?” Abby asked softly.

Patty still had a fear of ghosts for which no one could blame her.

“Of course I’m going,” Patty told them. “You need me.”

“I’m coming with you as well, if you don’t mind,” Dr Gorin said finally. “This sounds like an interesting case.”

“Then it is decided,” Abby said with a sigh. “But don’t blame me if something goes wrong.”


	9. College, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holtzmann's relationship with Dr Gorin is not as easy as she imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm posting the chapter one day earlier because I won't have internet at my new flat until Friday.

At first, they did not give their relationship a definition. Holtzmann could not imagine Dr Gorin referring to her as her girlfriend – it sounded wrong in her ears. Dr Gorin was not a girl; she was a grown woman with a successful career. Holtzmann, on the other hand, had only started her education and there was still a lot she had to learn.

Since Holtzmann had been in school, she had dreamed of having one close friend with whom she could share everything. At first, she thought she might have found such a friend in Dr Gorin, but it quickly turned out that the age gap between them was too big. Holtzmann tried talking to Dr Gorin about her assignments and her worries about passing her exams, but Dr Gorin brushed off these worries. A lot of time had passed since she had been in this situation. In turn, Dr Gorin tried to get Holtzmann enthusiastic about throwing dinner parties and going to the opera, but Holtzmann was not interested in these things at all.

Shortly after their first kiss and before they had slept together, they got into a huge fight. A few days later, Holtzmann could not even remember what they had been fighting about; the topic was such a trivial one. But she remembered how Dr Gorin had glared at her and had called her immature. Holtzmann had come to visit her in her office with a coffee and two croissants, and a few minutes later, they had started arguing until Holtzmann had finally left the office, convinced this short relationship was over now.

Holtzmann did not argue much. She had never argued with her parents until they had discovered she had gone to prom with Madeleine and she had never had any friends with whom she could have fought. She had no idea how to deal with this situation. Should she apologise to Dr Gorin or wait until Dr Gorin took the first step?

For a short time, Holtzmann had known what it felt like to be in a relationship, even though neither of them had called it that. She was not sad about having ruined it so early because she had strong feelings for Dr Gorin, but because she thought this proved once and for all that she was not made for a relationship and was better off alone.

She spent a whole week trying to ignore Dr Gorin, even though both of them worked in the same lab. It was not easy, but Holtzmann managed not to talk to her for several days until one afternoon, Dr Gorin trapped her in a corner of the lab while the other students were busy cleaning up.

“We need to talk,” she opened. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Holtzmann did the best she could do to continue avoiding Dr Gorin even now by staring at the floor and pretending she had not heard her.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Dr Gorin asked her directly.

Holtzmann only shrugged.

“Is it because I got angry with you the other day?” Dr Gorin guessed. “I’m not angry anymore if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Holtzmann shrugged again.

“It was a small fight, nothing to worry about,” Dr Gorin added. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“It wasn’t just a small fight,” Holtzmann said at last. “You told me to get out of your office.”

Dr Gorin puckered up her lips in pain at the memory of that. “Yes, I did but only because I had a class later that day and I wanted to focus on that instead of our fight.”

“I thought you were chucking me out of your life,” Holtzmann said through gritted teeth, well aware of how immature and overly dramatic it sounded.

“I’m sorry if you felt that way,” Dr Gorin sighed, “it’s just … it’s not always easy for me to remember that you’re in a completely different time of your life than me and have completely different priorities. I didn’t mean your exam was trivial or unimportant.”

Holtzmann suddenly remembered what they had been fighting about. Dr Gorin had asked her to go away with her over the weekend but Holtzmann had told her she wanted to study for an upcoming exam. Of course, Dr Gorin had not understood how important this exam was for Holtzmann since it had been a long time since she had been forced to take one and had told her that studying was not important but she had to decide for herself where her priorities were. It had sounded to Holtzmann as if she was trying to get her to choose between their relationship and her academic career and they had argued about that for a bit until Dr Gorin had told her to leave.

“Well, it _was_ an important exam,” Holtzmann shrugged, “but it’s over now, so if you still want to go away with me …” She trailed off, sure Dr Gorin would burst into dismissive laughter.

“I don’t know, Jillian, I’m pretty busy the next couple of weeks - I have an important conference soon and I should be focussing on that.”

To Holtzmann, it sounded like a weak excuse, as if Dr Gorin was trying to get out of this _thing_ she had with her. “So you don’t want to continue seeing me?” Holtzmann asked for clarification, a bit louder than she had wanted to and with her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

Dr Gorin turned around to the other people in the lab, making sure no one was listening in on their conversation. “No, I didn’t say that,” she hissed, “I’m just really busy.”

Holtzmann was torn between pointing out that she had been in the same situation and Dr Gorin had refused to see reason and between putting an end to this fight now. Hurting Dr Gorin a bit seemed promising, but it also frightened Holtzmann because she had never wanted to do this to someone before. Finally, she decided on the second option.

“I’m sure we’ll find a date in a couple of weeks then,” she gave in.

“Do you want to go away with me then?” Dr Gorin asked cautiously.

“How do you mean?”

“You weren’t really on board with the idea when I first offered,” Dr Gorin clarified, “so I’m not sure if that’s something you would like to do with me.”

“I’d love to go away with you,” Holtzmann assured her quickly. “I was just really busy on that particular weekend.”

“Shall we bury the hatchet then?” Dr Gorin offered. “And maybe celebrate it by taking a short trip together?”

“I’d like that,” Holtzmann nodded.

A couple of days later, Dr Gorin picked Holtzmann up from one of her lectures. Even though MIT did not have any rules against students and teachers being in a relationship, such a thing was generally frowned upon and they had decided not to make a big show of the fact that they were dating.

“Miss Holtzmann, I would like to talk to you in my office, please,” Dr Gorin addressed her when she saw Holtzmann coming out of the lecture theatre together with a couple of people.

Holtzmann blushed and nodded, only mumbling a quick goodbye to her friends.

Together, they walked down the corridor to Dr Gorin’s office. Holtzmann did not know what to expect and kept a couple of inches distance between them so no one would suspect something.

“It should only take a couple of minutes,” Dr Gorin told her as she opened the door to her well-equipped office. “Please, after you.”

Holtzmann, who had been in the office more often than she cared to admit headed straight for her favourite chair in front of Dr Gorin’s desk. But before she could reach it, she was yanked back by a hand around her wrist. Yelping in surprise, she found herself face to face with Dr Gorin who pushed her until her back connected with the wooden door and she was trapped between the solid barrier behind her and her teacher in front of her.

“What -?” she started to say, but Dr Gorin only smirked at her with a glint in her eyes Holtzmann had never seen before.

Dr Gorin started to kiss her; they were short kisses at first, almost careful, as if she was giving Holtzmann the opportunity to protest. When Holtzmann did not, the kisses soon grew deeper and rougher. They had never kissed like this before and Holtzmann was not sure yet if she liked it or not, but she was prepared to explore this with Dr Gorin.

Dr Gorin was still holding one of her wrists while the other one was pressing Holtzmann’s hips against the door. Holtzmann liked the feeling of the firm grip Dr Gorin had over her and she enjoyed the idea that Dr Gorin was in control. This feeling was new to her and she had not yet known that she wanted to be treated like this by her teacher.

Inevitably, she began to moan as Dr Gorin continued to kiss her. Dr Gorin stepped even closer until their bodies were pressed together and Holtzmann could not have moved away without some considerable effort. The hand on her hip wandered slowly lower and pushed her legs apart to make room for one of Dr Gorin’s. When Dr Gorin moved one of her legs into the space created by her hand, Holtzmann moaned loudly against the mouth which was still demanding kisses from her lips.

“You have to be quieter,” Dr Gorin hissed. “The doors aren’t as solid as they look.”

Holtzmann tried to swallow another moan but was unable to when Dr Gorin continued to kiss her forcefully.

“Quiet,” she hissed again, gripping Holtzmann’s hair.

Holtzmann tried to struggle against the grip, but Dr Gorin was stronger than she was or Holtzmann was too overwhelmed by what they were doing to be successful. She bit her lip in an effort to suppress more moans, but Dr Gorin’s tongue was not finished exploring her mouth yet.

Before they could go any further than this, Dr Gorin sprang back from Holtzmann. For a fraction of a second, Holtzmann was convinced she had made some sort of mistake and she started to apologise to Dr Gorin. Then she heard a knock on the door and knew why Dr Gorin had stepped away from her.

“Just a minute,” Dr Gorin said with a raised voice and pulled Holtzmann away from the door. “Get your bag and leave,” she hissed. “I’ll call you later.”

When Holtzmann opened the door, she recognised one of her teachers from her first year.

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked Dr Gorin.

“Oh no, Miss Holtzmann was just asking me something about an essay she is writing,” Dr Gorin answered with a dismissive wave of her hand.

*

Dr Gorin did call, later that day. Holtzmann had not expected her to since they had not been in contact much due to their various obligations. But maybe something had changed between them this afternoon, maybe Dr Gorin had decided to change her behaviour toward Holtzmann. Whatever it was, Holtzmann’s phone rang shortly after six and she answered it to find her teacher on the other end.

“Are you free this weekend?” Dr Gorin whispered without any greeting.

“Sorry, I can hardly understand you.”

“Sorry about that.”

Holtzmann heard a rustling sound on the other and of the line and then Dr Gorin was back, speaking more clearly.

“Bill dragged me off to this dinner party at his place, and I’m still here,” she offered an apology. “I’m in the kitchen now and there’s no one around, but I doubt they’ll leave me alone for too long.”

Holtzmann’s heart began to beat faster when she realised that Dr Gorin was busy yet again but had taken the time to call her nevertheless.

 “So, about the weekend …,” Dr Gorin started.

“Yes, I’m free,” Holtzmann answered immediately. “But I thought you were busy.”

Dr Gorin sighed. “I had forgotten the conference,” she admitted. Holtzmann could almost hear her thinking. “You know what … it doesn’t matter. I’ve already put so much work into my presentation, I don’t think it’ll do me any harm if I let it rest for two days.”

“Great,” Holtzmann said enthusiastically. She had not left Cambridge in a long time. “Where are we going?”

“That’s a secret,” Dr Gorin told her with a smile in her voice, “but I would advise you to bring a bathing suit.”

Two days later, Dr Gorin stopped her car in front of Holtzmann’s apartment building and waved for her to climb in. Holtzmann had only packed a small backpack, which she tossed onto the back seat before letting herself fall down next to Dr Gorin.

“Do you want to tell me yet where we’re going?” Holtzmann asked her after she had received a quick kiss on the lips.

“You can guess,” Dr Gorin teased her. “It’s not far from here.”

They left Cambridge and drove to the south along the coast. Holtzmann had never been the best at geography and she did not really know Massachusetts that well.

“We’re not going to New York, are we?” she asked, dreading to go back to the city her parents lived in.

“No, we’re not going there,” Dr Gorin answered with a soft smile. “What would you want with a bathing suit in New York?”

Holtzmann shrugged. “I don’t know; there are swimming pools and all.”

“It’s much closer,” Dr Gorin offered her help.

Holtzmann did not want to admit that she did not know much about geography, so she tried to guess without displaying her ignorance.

“Are we going to the sea?” she asked slowly.

“Yes, that’s a good guess,” Dr Gorin answered, “but not as specific as I had hoped. There’s a lot of sea around.”

Holtzmann sighed in mock exasperation. “I don’t think I can guess it,” she gave in.

“You don’t know much about Massachusetts, do you?” Dr Gorin asked her. “Have you ever heard of Cape Cod?”

“Isn’t that where rich, old people spend their summers?”

Dr Gorin snorted with laughter. “My family’s been going there ever since I was little,” she told Holtzmann, “so it’s not just old people.”

“I can’t help but notice you’re not disputing rich.”

Dr Gorin shrugged. “I never pretended not to be.”

They drove on in silence. Holtzmann stared out of the window, looking at the landscape passing by. She had never really been to the sea, despite Cambridge being a harbour town and she had certainly never gone for a swim in the ocean. It was still a bit cold for that even though it was already May and the beaches they passed lay mostly deserted apart from a few lonely surfers.

“Are we going to a hotel?” Holtzmann finally broke the silence.

“We’re going to my family’s old house,” Dr Gorin told her. “It’s not big or anything, but it’s right next to the sea and it gives us a bit of privacy.”

“What do we need privacy for?” Holtzmann teased her, raising an eyebrow.

For the first time since Holtzmann had known her, Dr Gorin blushed and averted her gaze. “Guess,” she said again.

Holtzmann giggled. “You’re very fond of this game.”

“It passes the time,” Dr Gorin shrugged.

Holtzmann shifted closer to Dr Gorin and softly put her left hand on her right leg. She felt her tense under her touch but there was no complaining.

“Is it because it’s romantic?” Holtzmann asked slowly, pretending to put a lot of thought into this.

“When the sun sets it can be quite romantic, yes,” Dr Gorin nodded. “Especially when there are no people around.”

“But that’s not why we’re going there, is it?” Holtzmann teased her with a lopsided grin.

“No, it’s not,” Dr Gorin agreed. “We’ve been in this, let’s call it, relationship for a couple of weeks now without spending much time together or without learning about each other and I thought it was time to change that.”

“There’s one or two things I’d like to learn about you,” Holtzmann admitted with a wink.

“What’s that?” Dr Gorin asked her, keeping an eye on the road, as she had to make a turn.

“What sounds you make in bed,” Holtzmann answered before hiding her blush by looking out of the window.


	10. A Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ghostbusters arrive at Dr Hicks' house to discover that she did not make up the story about the ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'll be able to update the fanfic next week. I haven't written any more than this chapter so far because I was moving and now I'm looking for a job, which is really frustrating. I will try and continue to write it and I hope I'll be able to update it soon.

The house Dr Hicks had bought was small and hidden away in a garden. It was older than Holtzmann had expected and if looked at in the light of the setting sun, it might indeed make a haunted impression. The others looked at it with mistrust and caution, even though it was midday and the sun was shining. Had Dr Hicks not told them about the ghost inside the house, they might have strolled up to the front door while talking about how lovely the porch looked. Instead, they all stood on the sidewalk next to the car and stared, as if calculating the risk they were taking.

Naturally, Erin was the one to make the first move.

“Let’s see if there’s really a ghost in there,” she said, shouldering a bag with Abby’s PKE meter.

They had not yet brought their proton packs along since they first wanted to determine just how dangerous the ghost really was and possibly make improvements to their equipment before catching it. Moreover, Erin was still not convinced the ghost really existed despite Dr Hicks’ detailed description of it.

The others followed Erin to the front door and watched as Dr Gorin unlocked it with a key Dr Hicks had given her. They stepped into a narrow hallway, which opened into a living room to the left and a kitchen to the right before ending in a staircase, which led to the bed- and bathroom.

“Doesn’t look haunted to me,” Erin observed with a shrug, peeking into the living room. “No upturned furniture, no eerie messages on the wall, nothing.”

Abby rummaged around in the bag Erin had dropped at their feet and pulled out the PKE meter. “We’ll see about that,” she said, turning it on.

While Abby walked through the house looking for spectral activity, Holtzmann and Patty climbed the stairs to see what they could find in Dr Hicks’ bedroom, the place where the ghost had manifested itself first.

“This bed is a crime,” Patty declared as she laid eyes on a canopy bed. “What self-respecting woman would sleep in that monstrosity?”

“We could set fire to it,” Holtzmann suggested with a gleam in her eyes, “and blame it on the ghost.”

“We would do that poor woman a favour,” Patty agreed, “but we’re not here to help her with interior design.”

Holtzmann looked around and spotted the video camera. “Do you believe her?” she asked Patty in a serious voice.

“Sure,” Patty shrugged. “Why should she be making it up? I mean, she’s paying us _a lot_.”

“There’s just no prove for it, is there?” Holtzmann pointed out. “No surveillance footage, no eye witnesses – she doesn’t even have an injury.”

“You only had my word when I came to you,” Patty said.

Holtzmann nodded. “And we believed you immediately.”

“Isn’t this the whole point of us?” Patty asked her. “That people can come to us with their ghost problems and we believe them, no matter what?”

“But Erin –,” Holtzmann began.

“I don’t know what’s going on with her,” Patty said with a sigh. “She should be the last person to doubt anyone when it comes to ghost encounters.”

Holtzmann sank to her knees to have a look under the bed while Patty examined the wardrobe.

“Then again, I don’t think it’s Dr Hicks she doesn’t trust,” Patty continued in a muffled voice since her face was hidden behind their client’s clothes.

“How do you mean?” Holtzmann pushed herself up again after she had not found anything.

“You do know that Erin doesn’t like Rebecca much,” Patty pointed out, throwing a quick glance at Holtzmann.

“Yes,” Holtzmann nodded. “She still a bit on the fence about her.”

“That’s an understatement,” Patty snorted. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, part of it is certainly that she still doesn’t know Rebecca very well, but she was quick enough to be nice to you and me when we first met her. So what’s taking her so long to warm up to Rebecca?”

Holtzmann shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“It’s because you know her,” Patty told her. “Rebecca is _your_ mentor, she is _your_ ex, _you_ were the one who introduced her to us.”

Holtzmann looked out of the window, paying attention to the curtains.

“If Abby or I had brought someone new on board, someone with the same backstory, like, I don’t know, Abby’s mentor with whom she used to have sex sometimes, Erin wouldn’t have reacted so negatively.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I keep telling you, Erin likes you,” Patty said, her voice slightly raised. “Just talk to her.”

“Shhhh,” Holtzmann made, glancing at the door.

“If you don’t do it, I will,” Patty continued in the same volume. “Because this is killing me, kid. I see you looking at her every day with the same sad eyes and as soon as she pays attention to you, your face lights up and when she’s not around, you mope and sigh. And you’re still flirting with her even though Abby told you to stop.”

Holtzmann felt herself blush, something which hardly ever happened. “Please don’t talk to her,” she asked Patty. “It would only make things uncomfortable between us.”

“Have you _ever_ tried to have a serious conversation with her?” Patty asked, throwing her hands in the air in agitation.

“Yes.” Holtzmann crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. “Yes, if you must know. Only two nights ago.”

“So you tried talking to her then?”

“Yes,” Holtzmann lied. It was not entirely untrue since there had been a moment she had been prepared to talk to Erin but Erin had been asleep.

“And?” Patty asked, impatience in her voice.

“And nothing,” Holtzmann answered with a shrug. “It’s just not meant to be.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit.” Patty’s voice was calmer now. She sat down on the edge of Dr Hicks’ bed and patted the mattress next to her. “Sit down.”

Holtzmann did as she was told, sitting with her legs pressed together and her back straight, the complete opposite of how she would have sat down on this bed under normal circumstances. But this was not a normal situation. This was one of the most serious conversations she had had in recent years.

“How exactly did you ask her? Because if it was some kind of joke, chances are pretty high that Erin didn’t catch on.”

“I didn’t exactly _ask_ her as such,” Holtzmann said very slowly. “We were having a conversation about Dr Gorin and how she thought I was having a thing with Kevin, of all people.” Holtzmann could not help but giggle. “I told her I was a lesbian, but she didn’t tell me _anything_ about herself, I mean, for all I know she could be straight.”

“Why don’t you ask her?” Patty suggested.

Holtzmann bit her bottom lip. “I don’t want to push her to tell me anything in that regard. I thought because she asked me about me she would follow that up with something about herself but we just went to sleep after we had established that I’m definitely not interested in Kevin and that my relationship with Dr Gorin is definitely over.”

Patty shook her head slowly, then took a deep breath. “So she asked you if you were single and if you were interested in women and you still think she doesn’t have a crush on you?”

 Holtzmann had not thought about it like that.

“Aha,” Patty made. “No wonder you let her go to sleep after that. She was probably waiting for some sort of confession from you.”

Holtzmann shook her head. “I let fate decide,” she admitted.

Patty snorted with laughter. “Are you crazy, girl? You’re a _scientist_ and you let fate decide? You leave it to chance if you’re ever going to be happy with a woman you’re obviously in love with?”

“I’m not in love with –,” Holtzmann started but was interrupted when the door was flung open.

Erin looked at them, her face slightly reddened from running up the stairs to look for them. Holtzmann’s heart clenched in her chest when she saw her like this. Patty was right – she was in love with Erin but until this moment, until seeing her excited and slightly dishevelled, she had not been able to admit it to herself.

 _I would do anything for you_ , Holtzmann thought, making eye contact with Erin. _Just ask me and I’ll do it_.

“There you are.” Erin was panting and clutching her side. “Abby has found something.”

The moment had passed when Holtzmann jumped up and rushed to the door, excited for Abby’s discovery. But when she passed Erin a sudden urge overcame her to tell Erin at least part of what was going on in her head.

“Erin, look,” Holtzmann started, “I need to –”

“Abby told me to tell you we shouldn’t waste any time,” Erin interrupted her with a shrug. “Better hurry. You know how she can be.”

Patty patted Holtzmann’s shoulder in support.

*

Abby and Dr Gorin were in the kitchen. Dr Gorin had sat down at the table, but Abby was pacing around it impatiently.

“There you are,” she said with a sigh when she spotted the others. “There’s definitely a ghost in this house and you’re too busy lounging around instead of doing your job.”

“So you found something?” Patty asked her, sitting down next to Dr Gorin.

“Did the PKE meter pick something up?” Holtzmann remained standing but looked at Abby with a serious look on her face.

Instead of an answer, Abby pulled open the topmost drawer next to the sink. Green slime came oozing out of it, which caused Erin to jump back in alarm. Holtzmann, on the other hand, stepped closer to have a look at the cutlery, which was swimming around in the ooze.

“I would say Dr Hicks was telling the truth,” Patty concluded from the other end of the kitchen.

“Yes, it would appear so,” Holtzmann agreed, pulling her glasses down to the end of her nose to look at the sight before her. “Something’s definitely interested in cutlery.”

“It would explain the knives,” Abby nodded. “Spectral activity like that is bound to leave some traces.”

“And the PKE meter?” Erin asked from a safe distance.

“Nothing so far,” Abby shrugged, “but I’d suggest that we spent the night in the house and wait for something to happen. After all, we’ve seen more in a single day than Dr Hicks’ friends did since this haunting started.”

“Shall I go and get our equipment?” Holtzmann offered. “Assuming you have no trouble staying here in this haunted mansion without me?” She glanced at Erin, hoping she would volunteer to come with her and help her carry.

Patty was faster than Erin. “I’m coming with you.”

“Sure you’ll be fine, Erin?” Holtzmann asked her quietly while Patty was already on her way outside.

Her voice had sounded more serious than usual, which made Erin look at her in confusion. “Of course I’m sure. This isn’t my first haunting.”

“Just take care of yourself until we get back,” Holtzmann said before dashing out the door after Patty.

They had been able to leave all their equipment back in a room at the hotel since the owner had turned out to be one of their biggest fans and was only too happy to be able to help them out. It did not take them long to drive back to the hotel, but once they arrived there, they were held up in a long conversation with the owner who wanted to know what they were up to. Patty told him over and over again that this was classified information, but he still kept pestering them with questions.

Holtzmann had to carry most of the equipment to the car on her own because Patty tried to keep the owner at bay. She did not mind a few short minutes of silence in which she could think about Erin and when she would get a chance to talk to her in private. Her realisation from earlier had been bad timing, since they were busy with a real threat and Erin’s thoughts would be entirely occupied with catching the ghost. Holtzmann hoped they would be spending a quiet night at the house, so she would be able to spend a few short minutes with Erin during which she could discuss what she was feeling.

She did not believe in postponing something when it was important. Erin could tell them tomorrow that she wanted to move to Russia and study wolves or that she had to move back home because her parents were sick and then Holtzmann would have missed her chance. It had been the same with Dr Gorin. Maybe, if she had asked her out in her first year, they would still be together. Not that she missed their relationship now, but she knew that she had made mistakes in the past she did not want to repeat.

“I had to tell him about the knives to leave me alone,” Patty said with a sigh when she finally climbed back into the car. “He actually wanted to come with us and watch us catch the ghost.”

“Why didn’t you let him?” Holtzmann asked while joining the traffic.

“And babysit him all night? No, thank you. Next thing we know he’ll be crying his eyes out because the ghost scared him and then he’ll sue us.”

Back at the house, they were greeted by Dr Gorin who was kneeling on the tiles in the kitchen, taking notes.

“The others are upstairs looking for blankets,” she told them. “We’ve agreed that the best thing to do is spend the night in the living room and see what happens.”

“Shouldn’t some of us sleep in the bedroom?” Holtzmann interjected. “After all, this is where the haunting started. Erin and I could do it.”

Patty shot her a glance.

“I don’t think that would be necessary.” Dr Gorin stood up. “And we should all stay together.”

At that moment, Abby and Erin came back down the stairs, their arms full of blankets.

“Some help would be appreciated,” Abby told them as soon as she lay eyes on them.

Holtzmann shrugged and took the blankets out of Erin’s hands while Patty began to argue with Abby about how they had just spent half an hour getting the equipment from the hotel to this house.

“Seen any ghosts while we were gone?” Holtzmann asked Erin under her breath. “Anything out of the ordinary?”

Erin shook her head.

“Listen, Erin,” Holtzmann continued after she had made sure that Abby and Patty were still occupied and Dr Gorin was standing far enough away from them, “I need to talk to you in private somewhere.”

“Now?” Erin asked, her eyes darting to Abby every couple of seconds. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

“Not now, I meant later,” Holtzmann told her quickly. “Once we’ve settled in and all.”

“Sure,” Erin shrugged, her mind preoccupied with the task at hand. “Just come and find me, okay?” She patted Holtzmann’s arm before hurrying off to help Abby with her blankets.

The touch, no matter how brief it was, sent a shiver down Holtzmann’s spine. She had to take a couple of deep breaths before she was able to turn around and face the others again. Now there was no denying – she was in too deep.


	11. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They spend time at the house. Abby is trying to catch the ghost while Patty is trying to give Erin und Holtzmann some privacy so they can discuss their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long wait. We've settled into our new flat and we got two cats (yay!!!). I'm still not sure how long it'll take me to update again, because I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month and that's a lot of words to write each day. But don't worry, I won't abandon this story.

Even though they were farther south in New Orleans than in New York, night fell quickly here. One moment they were enjoying the relatively warm evening air on the porch, the next they were shivering with cold. The house looked haunted in the evening, as if bad things happened here every night. Holtzmann was not sure if it was the light brown colour of the walls or the narrow windows or the long, dark shadows from the tree outside which plunged the living room in an eerie light.

Needless to say, Holtzmann was enjoying herself. This was exactly what she had waited for for several months, the thrill of adventure, the danger of a ghost chase. Abby seemed to be relatively comfortable as well; she was going over her notes with Dr Gorin, both discussing their theories in low whispers. Patty, on the other end of the sofa, looked uncomfortable. The darker it had grown outside, the more nervous she had become, jumping whenever a car drove past or a light breeze swooshed around the building.

Erin was sitting next to Holtzmann on the floor, looking over their equipment and helping her clean it. Her face was relaxed, but there was tension in her shoulders and she sometimes threw a nervous glance at the shadows behind her. Holtzmann, too, scanned their surroundings frequently for unusual activities, but only to be able to protect Erin should the ghost make a sudden move.

“Nice weather, isn’t it?” Holtzmann said to no one in particular because the silence was getting on her nerves.

“It’s not New York,” Patty said with a nod, glad that Holtzmann had broken the silence.

“I think we have more urgent matters to discuss than the weather,” Abby interrupted their brief exchange. “We should be focussing on coming up with a plan, should the ghost choose to attack us tonight.”

“I don’t think that’s likely,” Erin pointed out. “It hasn’t shown itself to any of the other people who have stayed here.”

“But we found the slime, don’t forget that,” Abby sighed. “That’s more than any of the other people have seen.”

“And we’re trained paranormal investigators,” Erin said. “Well, not necessarily _trained_ trained, but in this case we can say that our experience is all the education we need. What I’m trying to say is we knew what we had to look for.”

Holtzmann ruffled through Erin’s hair. “Don’t be so serious. Wait what happens and try to enjoy yourself.”

Erin glared at her and tried to smooth down her hair.

“I’m not enjoying myself,” came Patty’s voice from the other end of the room. “I tell you, the first sign of someone throwing a knife at me and I’m out of here.”

“It won’t happen, don’t worry, Patty,” Erin calmed her. “Even if we should see the ghost, I don’t think it’ll happen during our first night here.”

“We could do another check of the house,” Holtzmann suggested. “Maybe it’s different during the night. We could split into pairs and –”

“I’m not leaving the living room,” Patty said with a shudder. “I know the minute I’ll walk upstairs, the lights are going to fail.”

“Then you can stay here and Erin and I can have a look upstairs and Rebecca and Abby can see if they find something in the kitchen,” Holtzmann planned.

“No one is going anywhere,” Abby put an end to her suggestions. “For the first night, we’re all going to stay here and see if the ghost shows up. If it doesn’t, we can talk about splitting up tomorrow night.”

Holtzmann had to realise that she would not be able to talk to Erin in private, at least not for another day. Abby was set on sticking together and since you could see the bathroom from the living room, they did not even need to go use the toilet in pairs. One after the other, the women slowly drifted off to sleep, until it was just Patty and Holtzmann left. Holtzmann did not feel tired at all and Patty was too nervous to be thinking about sleep.

“Come here,” Patty mouthed in Holtzmann’s direction sometime around two in the morning.

Holtzmann obliged, glad she would not have to sit around in silence until daybreak.

“I can see what you’re trying to do,” Patty whispered in Holtzmann’s ear once Holtzmann had joined her. “If you want, I can make sure that you can talk to Erin privately tomorrow.”

“How would you do that?” Holtzmann asked. “I don’t think Abby will be too pleased about us splitting up. She’s very thorough in her research; she always needs to do something three times until she’s satisfied, whether it’s observing a haunted mansion or ordering the same kind of food.”

“And I don’t want to sit around the living room for three nights because I won’t get any sleep here,” Patty groaned. “Also, I’m not wasting any more time watching you pine after Erin if you could talk to her. So I’m going to make sure you do, no matter what Abby says.”

“And how are you going to do that?”

“Watch.”

Before Holtzmann could prepare herself for whatever was about to happen, Patty had jumped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs. Holtzmann had to cover her ears while she watched the others being violently shaken from uneasy dreams.

“What’s the matter?” Abby asked, fixing her glasses. “What’s going on?”

“Holtzy?” Erin looked around in confusion, not able to open her eyes entirely yet. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m here.” Holtzmann quickly moved across the room back to Erin, past Patty who has hyperventilating.

“I heard something,” Patty finally managed to say. “Upstairs.”

Abby sat up straight. “What did you hear?”

Erin pushed away Holtzmann’s arm, which she had slung around her shoulders for comfort. “Was it the ghost?”

Dr Gorin took out her notebook but did not say anything.

“It sounded as if someone kept dropping heavy stuff on the floor upstairs, I don’t know.” Patty shook her head, pretending to be confused. “Could have been footsteps.”

Erin jumped up eagerly, being woken up rudely forgotten. “Then let’s check it out.”

“Not so fast,” Abby ordered. “It could be dangerous. “Patty, you’re staying here with Holtzmann. Erin, you’re with me.”

Dr Gorin did not say anything but walked after them into the hallway, glancing up the stairs, her notebook ready.

“Well, that didn’t work either,” Holtzmann hissed. “Now Abby’s upstairs with Erin.”

“I wasn’t trying to give you two some privacy _immediately_ ,” Patty said with a grin, “but tomorrow evening, Abby won’t be able to deny that we should split up and that’s going to be your chance.”

“I hope you’re right,” Holtzmann sighed. “There’s only so many times you can pretend to hear a ghost.”

*

After Patty’s interruption, they tried to go back to sleep, but it was not easy. Abby and Erin’s search had not turned up any ghosts and they agreed that Patty had probably imagined the sounds because she had been on edge ever since they had come to the house. Only Holtzmann, who had not slept so far, was able to fall asleep. All she could remember was that she had sat down next to Erin to discuss what their search had produced, only to wake up again with the bright daylight shining in through the windows and a blanket covering her curled up body on the sofa.

After a short breakfast at a nearby diner, Abby and Dr Gorin went to visit Dr Hicks at the university to tell her about their first night while the others stayed at the house to prepare for their second one.

“I still think it’s better when we split up,” Holtzmann pointed out quietly while she put away the blankets so the living room would look nice during the day. “The activities started in the bedroom; it’s madness not to have someone sleep in there.”

“It’s madness to stay in there alone,” Patty mumbled. “I wouldn’t do it, not if you paid me a hundred times more than we are being paid now.”

“I wouldn’t mind doing it,” Holtzmann said with a side glance at Erin. “Provided I had company, of course.”

“We should wait for Abby to get back before we make any kind of decision,” Erin sighed. “You know how she can be if she feels we’re not doing what she wants or if we’re _endangering_ the mission.”

“Would you stay upstairs with Holtzy?” Patty asked unexpectedly.

Holtzmann blushed and hid her face from Erin by putting a stack of pillows into a box.

“Sure, why not.” Erin sounded nonchalantly. “I slept with a ghost in my room for almost a year, don’t forget that.”

“Then it’s settled.” Patty had a grin on her face now and Holtzmann hoped Erin would not ask her what made her so happy. “If Abby is happy with our idea, you two can take the bedroom.”

Erin smiled at Holtzmann, which made her blush even more.

When Abby and Dr Gorin got back, they had news to tell about Dr Hicks.

“She wants to sell the house,” Abby told them. “Even if we manage to catch the ghost, she refuses to move back in here.”

“Are we still getting paid?” Erin asked with worry in her voice.

“Yes, of course,” Dr Gorin cut in. It was the first time she had answered any of Erin’s questions. “But she said she’s giving us two more nights and if we don’t catch anything in that time, we’re free to go and she’s selling.”

Holtzmann felt a bit disappointed that they would not get to stay in New Orleans longer. “Can we still stay here for a couple of days more?” she asked.

“There are people back in New York who need our help,” Abby pointed out. “This isn’t a holiday, Holtzmann.”

Holtzmann had two more nights to talk to Erin before they would go back to New York and it would be almost impossible to do so because they each had their own responsibilities and tasks.

“Listen, Abby,” Patty started, “we were thinking … and since we have a rather short timeframe now to produce any results … so we were thinking someone could stay up in the bedroom. We could split up for the next night is what I’m trying to say.”

Abby sighed heavily.

“I know you don’t like it,” Holtzmann went on instead of Patty. “But since Patty heard sounds from up there last night and since we don’t have much time left, wouldn’t it be better than sleeping in the living room again?”

“I’m not happy with it, but we can try for one night,” Abby gave in. “But only if you promise to have your phones turned on and put to the highest volume so you hear immediately when I call you.”

*

The second night came faster than the first one. Maybe it was because they had split up now that it felt as if this night was more serious than the last one, as if something was about to happen and they could do nothing against it. Patty had grown more nervous the closer they had come to sundown and Abby had sighed at every tiny inconvenience. Only Dr Gorin seemed relaxed; she sat on the sofa for most of the day, leafing through her notebook and occasionally crossing something out.

Erin and Holtzmann went upstairs as soon as the sun had set, bringing along a box of pizza they had ordered for dinner. The room looked much gloomier than it had when Holtzmann had first seen it, and even though she would never admit this, she was glad she did not have to stay up here alone.

They both were sitting on the floor in front of the bed with all the lights turned on, sharing the pizza. Holtzmann knew this was the perfect opportunity to talk to Erin and the _whole reason_ why she was here. It was what Patty had worked for laboriously to make happen so Holtzmann would have a shot with Erin. But now that it was the right time and no one, expect maybe a homicidal ghost, would interrupt them, Holtzmann was scared. She did not know how to say what she wanted to say without the danger of Erin leaving her.

“I hope we’ll see the ghost tonight,” Erin said with a mouthful of pizza. “We’ve never dealt with a ghost as dangerous as this one.”

“Except Rowan,” Holtzmann pointed out.

“What if we’re the one who catch it? On our own? That would be great.” Erin’s eyes became unfocused.

“I hope it’s not so dangerous that we won’t manage,” Holtzmann said between bites.

“Holtzmann, are you scared?” Erin asked her with a twinkle in her eyes.

“No, I’m not,” Holtzmann defended herself immediately.

“I promise I’ll protect you,” Erin said with a warm smile. “We’re five people and Dr Hicks was on her own. We’ll be fine.”

“I’m not scared,” Holtzmann repeated.

“Do you want to share the bed?” Erin asked her, nodding toward the monstrosity next to her. “There’s certainly enough room on there.”

Holtzmann, who was taken by surprise, blushed again. “Sure.”

There was a short silence between them.

“You still don’t believe the ghost is real, do you?” Holtzmann asked Erin finally.

“What makes you say that?”

“Your complete lack of fear,” Holtzmann answered earnestly. “Also, you’re the most relaxed out of all of us.”

“I don’t know,” Erin shrugged. “We still don’t have proof.”

“We do,” Holtzmann reminded her. “Don’t you remember the slime in the kitchen?”

“Dr Hicks could have put it there, I guess.”

“But why? Why would she pay us thousands of dollars to play a prank on us? Even if she thinks we’re frauds, that’s still a lot of money to pay someone just to diss them. And the last time I checked, professors didn’t make _that_ much money.”

Erin shrugged noncommitting.

“I want to ask you something,” Holtzmann said. Her heart beat faster as she tried to say those words without her voice breaking and she was not even getting ready to ask the big question.

Erin’s eyes widened and her cheeks flushed as she stared at Holtzmann. “Sure.”

“Why don’t you like Dr Gorin?” Holtzmann asked her quickly before she could change her mind. “Everyone knows you don’t like her and everyone is quick to excuse your behaviour, but as the one who introduced her to the group and the one who knows her the longest, I would like an answer, please.”

Holtzmann had never spoken like this to Erin and Erin was surprised and a little bit shocked, judging from the way her face went even redder.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never been good when it came to dealing with new situations and new people.”

“Because you were scared they would discover your ghost story and make fun of you?”

“I guess.”

“I thought you had moved past that by now,” Holtzmann said in surprise. “Especially since _a lot_ of people believed us, and you, after New York.”

“I still struggle sometimes.” Erin moved her eyes from Holtzmann’s face to a point somewhere behind her. “I’m sure you can understand that.”

“Yes, I can,” Holtzmann said with a dismissive wave of her hand, “but I think it’s time for you to see that Dr Gorin believes us and is here to help us. She wants to learn, not make fun of you.” Holtzmann took a deep breath. “Patty told me that your dislike for her is the reason why you don’t believe this ghost here exists even though you know how painful it is when someone doesn’t believe you in this kind of situation.”

_And if Patty were here now, she would tell you to shut up immediately because this is a really bad transition to telling Erin that you have a huge crush on her._

Erin bit her bottom lip. “I really want to believe Dr Hicks,” she avoided Holtzmann’s accusation. “It’s just hard to do so without any physical proof.”

Holtzmann decided to be direct. “Would you believe her if she had asked us for help without Dr Gorin as her messenger?”

Erin put down the slice of pizza she had been holding for the last ten minutes without actually eating it. “I don’t know. Why are you asking me all these questions?”

“There’s something else Patty said to me,” Holtzmann told her carefully. “Something I would like to discuss with you.”

“Yes?” Erin sounded exasperated.

“She told me that you only behave like this because you-”

Erin’s phone chose this exact second to begin ringing deafeningly.

“Shit,” Erin cursed and reached for it.

Abby’s voice was loud enough so Holtzmann could hear her.

“The ghost is down here,” she told them hastily. “And it has Dr Gorin.”


End file.
